Forever Forbidden
by oXXb00kw0rmXXo
Summary: Love was a forbidden emotion for me. Ever since I disappointed Alice, I couldn't allow it. And victims never got away. A little girl ruined that- and I would kill her for it.
1. Prologue: Forever Forbidden

**Forever Forbidden**

**Summary: Love was a forbidden emotion for me. Ever since I disappointed Alice, I couldn't allow it. And victims never got away. A little girl ruined that- and I would kill her for it.**

**Pairings: (okay, get ready...) Jalice, Felasper (my way of saying "Fake Bella/Jasper), Belasper, and Bedward.**

**Background Info and Warnings: Okay, guys. As you read before, this will be Bella/Jasper at points. The main focus is still Jalice. That is the REASON for this entire plot. I can't get much into detail with Jasper's recent history, because it will all be revealed in a strategic way that I have been slaving over :). Jasper's life is basically the same until he meets Alice. That's when things go wrong. He still hunts humans and has cut off all emotions of affection, love, and care. Well, he tries. He tries _really_ hard. Please don't think that he doesn't love Alice, because that is not the problem at _all_. Another difference- by now, Jasper has a bit of James logic in his head. Check out the summary. "And victims never got away." So we have the lovable Jasper with a bad past plus a bit of James logic.**

**Thank yous for Amber-is-a-Jasper's-Girl, my wonderful beta (you still can't have Jasper, sorry. But, come on, he already gets two different girls in this fic!), Artemis of the Golden Apple for letting me rant to her about my ideas for this while I had no idea on how to do it (though just rambling let me figure it out), and the horrible Jaspella fics that force me to write one of my own to prove that they don't _all_ stink (no offense, some are really good, but most aren't written believably, and that bugs me... if you wrote one, let me know, I'll want to take a look at it! I haven't found many, unfortunately, so I don't have a very good basis for this opinion or for my comparisons.)**

**Love you all (even if you hate this pairing),**

**Bookworm**

**

* * *

Prologue**

A little girl was flost in the store. She couldn't have been more than seven. She was weeping sorrowfully, so sorrowfully that it made my dead heart break. I pushed the feelings away and closed my eyes, concentrating. I neared the girl, her scent swimming around me, making my mouth water.

"Are you lost?" I asked with fake concern. She nodded her head, her big, brown eyes watering. The tears carried her scent, too. I smiled and held out my ice cold hand. "I'll help you find your way home. Come on."

She took my hand willingly and followed me out of the store, sniffling the whole way. I grinned – this was easier than I though it would be! I ought to take children more...it's so much easier. They get lost, and they'll take anyone's help; they're so frightened.

"I'm Bella," she chattered quietly, her sobs decreasing as we walked to an alleyway. "Who are you?"

"I'm Jasper," I mumbled. It wouldn't hurt to tell, would it? She'd be dead soon. I tugged her roughly and she stumbled on the ground. She fell and blood came seeping out of her knees. The sweet, warm aroma enveloped me and I couldn't take it f- I grabbed her and ran.

I dropped her unceremoniously on the ground before me. We were behind the store and nobody was around. I grinned, thinking of the pleasure her blood would be to me, after the burning thirst. I had resisted for a week, but it was time…

Venom dripped from my mouth as I closed in. She let out a scream. She had figured out that I was no nice man. I grabbed her by the arm and pinned her to the wall. A _crack_ rang through the air. She struggled, but I barely had to put any force in my hold to keep her still. I leaned in and the venom splashed onto her arm.

"Aa-" I cut off her scream. My teeth were nearly at her neck when the heartbeat of humans neared.

I swore as I dropped her once again to the ground. Tears streamed down her face and her clothes were disheveled and dirty. I don't know why…maybe I was too prone to emotion, more emotion than my kind should have. But for some reason I felt remorse. I hadn't felt affection or love in years. Not since Alice. But she looked so pitiful, in so much pain. I couldn't kill her. I wouldn't.

I left her crying on the ground and listened from a distance.

"Bella? Bella!" a man shouted. "Bella, are you okay? What happened?"

"I-I-I got lost," she hiccupped. "A man said he'd h-h-help me."

"Oh, Bella." Her cries were muffled as I heard her bury her head in the man's shoulder. He picked her up and cradled her as if she was young. "Bella, shh, I'm here, Daddy's here. Do you know what he looked like?"

"H-h-he was blonde…and tall…fand his name was Jasper." I gasped and cursed to myself. Why, oh, why had I said my name? I would have to flee.

As I ran, I heard a father seeking revenge in the distance.

"I'll find him, honey, I promise. He won't stand a chance."

I chuckled darkly to myself. I stood a chance against anyone - and a rather good chance at that. What I hadn't accounted for was standing a chance against love.

* * *

**Hey, so let me know what you think. That's short, but it's just a little preview, really. Hm... well, I suppose I can give you a preview of Chapter 1.**

She had gotten away.

She was the little girl.

And nobody, I repeat, nobody gets away from me.

My thoughts even more vicious than before, I threw her off the bed. She landed with a thump. I grinned… she would pay for getting away.

**Hm, I don't think my beta has even seen this yet. No, not yet, I'm sending that chapter off soon. Ah, well. Can you please review? I spent _hours_ slaving over details and ideas and plot directions for this fic, can you spend 20 seconds (maybe more) leaving a review? I would be forever thankful! Ha, Forever Forbidden, forever thankful... I know, I'm corny. And I just realized that my AN is probably longer than the chapter itself. Sorry!**


	2. Chapter 1

**Whoo-hoo! Chapter one!! It's really sort of sad, the way my brain works. You see, I'm working on the 4th chapter right now, but this is the first REAL chapter being posted. I'm already considering ideas and names for a sequel! I actually had a really good one... and there is a very high chance for a sequel since I have the story planned out and the ending has _so_ many possibilities! But let's not get into that right now.**

**Thanks for all of you who reviewed and to Amber-is-a-Jasper's-Girl (no, you cannot have him, at least not here) for getting this chaptered beta-ed as fast as she could. I know you had a lot of beta-ing to do for others!**

**I know I've already given warning, but here it is again. Jasper is kind of mean. His James logic definitely shines right now. It dominates him. He's not the Jasper we know. However, I feel when I write him that it is him deep down, if you try hard enough to feel it, it really is him. I hope you guys feel the same!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own it. Sorry, guys! I wish I did too. BUT one of my friends on here and I share a Cardboard Jasper. He's virtual, but it's still him (deep deep down).**

* * *

Rain. I relished in it. I dashed through the torrents, ignoring the stares of incredulous humans. I was wearing just worn jeans and a faded red shirt. My hair dripped in my face, but I brushed it away.

The only troubles with rain were the lack of humans. I would need to break into a house to get my dinner. I was following a police cruiser this time, waiting for it to stop.

There were two humans in it. Their blood was pumping rapidly, as if they were anxious about something. Actually, they _were _- I could feel it. My lip curled into a feral smile and venom filled my mouth. I ran and ran, staying right behind the car. I didn't bother to listen to their conversation. It was of no importance.

Eventually, a sign came into view. I stopped to find my bearings as I took note of the direction of the car.

"Welcome to Forks… well, I don't think that would be a wise thing to say if it's _me_ they're trying to welcome," I mused. The luscious scent still lingering, I dashed to catch up.

* * *

It was time. Night had fallen. The father was asleep and the girl was restless, rolling around in bed. The rain pounded down, but I couldn't care less.

I climbed lithely up to the window and cracked it open with just a pinky. I slipped in, my shirt dripping excess water onto the carpet.

Her scent surrounded me and I breathed deeply. She had no idea I was there- her head was hidden under the pillow.

"Delicious," I hissed, too low for her to hear. As I crept over to her bed, the scent suddenly became familiar. Her brown hair fanned out on the bed, the smell just wafting up. How did I know this scent so well?

My icy skin brushed her warm neck as I brushed aside her hair, clearing a spot for the kill. Her heart rate sped up tremendously and I lunged forward- but not before she screamed.

"Aa-" I cut her off. The scream, as short as it was, sounded familiar. The tears that dripped down her face, as she knew she was about to die sparked a memory.

She had gotten away.

She was the little girl.

And _nobody,_ I repeat, _nobody_ gets away from me.

My thoughts even more vicious than before, I threw her off the bed. She landed with a thump. I grinned… she would pay for getting away.

"What's your name?" I asked pleasantly as I crouched down beside the huddled ball. "Come on, spit it out, the longer you postpone, the longer you suffer."

Maybe I was being cruel and unnecessarily so. Okay, not maybe. I definitely was. But I couldn't help it. In the years that passed, I had felt so much hate for this worthless, little girl that had ruined my perfect record!

"B-b-bella," she sobbed. I could smell a bruise forming on her hip and smiled… wonderful, it would be fresh.

The scent of other vampires neared. I swore under my breath- I wasn't done yet! Either way, I leaned in, ready to kill.

"Alice, slow down!" a boy insisted. "I can't go in there!"

"Why not? Oh wait- is it because it's a girl's room? Oh, Edward! You prude!" a familiar, painful voice laughed. I froze, my heart exploding in my chest.

"NO!" The boy's voice was full of fury. "That is _not _why! Besides, you don't have a mate either… oh. Right. Sorry. I forgot."

"It's okay." She spoke softly, her voice full of emotion. "But why can't you-"

"I can smell the blood from here. And… I want to kill her," he whispered, his words raw and much more monster like than before.

"Edward, go home!" she ordered, suddenly alarmed. "I'll handle it, but stay away from this house! Go! It's dangerous! I can see it!" This Edward man scurried away quickly. Alice- _no_, not Alice- _her_ smell drifted through the window and I turned my eyes back to my victim.

"Make a deal with me," I commanded. She took a sharp breath, frightened, and didn't respond. "Make a deal! Respond! Are you stupid?"

"No," she wept in a shaky voice.

"No, you're not stupid, or no, you won't make a deal?"

"No… I'm not stupid," she whispered. I smiled. This would be easy… and I would get my way.

"They're coming to get me- you'll be my shield. They won't hurt you," I pondered, trying to find a way to let her benefit in the least. "You'll live longer. Even if just by a few moments." She nodded and I yanked her up by her arm. She was several inches shorter, but it ought to be sufficient, especially if I kept a good hold of her…

She appeared by the window, a worried expression on her face. She looked just like I remembered her. Short, choppy black hair… beautiful; tiny features… big, golden eyes. She was dressed better than before, no doubt. Designer labels on all her clothes, I was sure. Then again, she always did have an infatuation with shopping.

It hurt to see her. She stared at me for many moments, hurt shown blankly in her eyes. Instead of addressing me, she spoke to the human.

"Who are you? I don't believe I've seen you before," she commented kindly. Bella gulped uncertainly.

"B-bella Swan. I just moved here."

"Ah… and who's _this?_" She gestured to me without meeting my eyes. I didn't blame her- they were crimson red, whereas hers were liquid gold. I felt disgusting, monstrous even, in her presence, but I would not be weakened by affection. Not this time.

* * *

_Flashback--_

_She must have sensed my curiosity, because her red eyes watched me intently. She left some bills on the bar counter and slowly led me away._

_I followed blindly. I knew I should have been on alert. I was a soldier, for crying out loud! But… I couldn't help trusting this girl, who was so __confidant__ yet unsure at the same time._

_She brought me into a dingy hotel nearby the bar. As we walked silently up the stairs, her hand gripped mine tighter. I smiled- the affection coming from her was incredible. I didn't know it was possible from a vampire. Then again, I had spent so many years experiencing sorrow and pain that I had forgotten anything happy._

_Flashback--_

* * *

"Jasper," the weak human croaked. I was shocked- how had she remembered my name?

"Are you… friends?" She was hesitant now, choosing her words carefully. Before the human ruined it all for me, I cut in.

"Yes. Bella and I have been friends for a long time, haven't we?" I flashed a grin, my teeth and all. She nodded quickly.

"How long have you known Jasper, Bella?" she continued.

"I-I was seven," she sobbed, breaking down once and for all.

"Leave her alone," I defended as the tears rolled down her face. It was a pity, she smelled delightful. But I couldn't dispose of her yet. I carried her to her bed and brought the covers over her gently, almost in a friendly caring manner. "Let her sleep."

Alice's eyes flashed with malice as she watched me. She pursed her lips angrily, but started towards the window.

"If you hurt her, we'll know," she threatened. "If you hurt the human, we'll know, and Emmett will have no problem hurting you! Anyone who hurts me has to face my brother, anyhow – you're lucky you've convinced her to lie for you."

She slipped out and I collapsed on a rocking chair in the corner. I couldn't even kill her _now!_ What would I do? How could I get back at her and get my blood? I sent waves of lethargy to make her sleep and as she dozed, I thought.

* * *

What hurt the most? What was indescribable pain? Being changed, of course, but I would need to deal with her forever then. I groaned and tried to think back to my past.

I was changed. That was already ruled out. I had participated in the newborn wars and in training them- I had scars to prove it. But it also involved change. The thirst wouldn't do either. My good friend, Peter, had left me- that hurt plenty; it was enough to leave Maria! I had lived in solitary existence for a while. Loneliness wasn't fun. But there was no sufficient way to get her alone for a long period of time.

How could I make this work?

The memories of Alice, of _her_, swam in front of my eyes. Her disappointment, her anger- it was all directed towards me. I fell apart, dry sobs racking my body. I clutched my knees to my chest, trying to hold the pain inside. It had been so long since I had let in any love, and this _hurt_. It hurt so much I wanted to _die_. I would have gladly taken that route in that moment.

That was it.

I uncurled myself and began to plot out my plan. It would be perfect.

Seconds, minutes, hours ticked by. My throat was burning- I needed to hunt. But I couldn't hurt her. I needed to be as thirst free as possible for this to work. So, I ditched the girl and went to the outskirts of the town to hunt.

The sirens of police cars awaked Bella. They had gotten a call that Juliana Stoker, age six, had disappeared from her home late that night. I licked the blood from my lips, still relishing the taste.

* * *

**Ha, don't you love my reference to the vampire world? If you caught it, let me know! Sneak peek? Well, fine, if you insist:**

Her shrieks pierced the silence as her eyes settled on me – a killer.

"Sh!" I hushed quickly, snapping up into a standing position. "I'm your friend, remember? Well, at least, I want to be." She watched me with frightened eyes.

"What do you want?" she asked me shakily.

"Honestly?" She nodded and I grinned.

**Enjoy!!**


	3. Chapter 2

Yay! Another chapter here! Okay, guys if you could do me a HUGE favor, I would love you all very very much. Please, please, please send me (appropriate) words that begin with "f" that could be relating to love, vampires, all that stuff! Thanks! In case you didn't notice, I have a theme going on for the chapter names. This one isn't that good, but if you have a better one in mind, let me know :). This chapter is dedictated to my beta, **Amber-is-a-Jasper's-Girl**. And yes, indeed, in a oneshot I am writing, you ARE! (Told you I would write an Amber/Jasper fic for you).

Okay, so nobody's said this yet, but I will not deny that my chapters are short. I prefer to write shorter chapters. It's more likely that people will read it (who wants to catch up to a story that has tons and tons of scrolling down?) and it's easier for me to write without it sounding strained. To be truthful, these chapters are the longest I've written for fanfiction. 5, 6, 7 pages on Word, every single one. I get surprised by myself.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

* * *

As soon as the human was out of the house, I crept back into her room. I planned to spend my day learning _everything_. I would need to if I wanted to pull this off. I needed her to fall in love with me, even after all I had done. It would be a challenge, but I couldn't wait to try. If I needed to, I could always manipulate her emotions until it became true.

But first things first- I needed to make my mark. I walked cautiously around the room, brushing my fingers across her bedcovers, letting my breath fall on her closet, making sure my scent lingered. This was my territory. To be truthful, I was nervous that _she _would come and find me, with back up this time. It sounded like she had a lot.

Then I remembered her crazy tales of so long ago. She told me of her visions, in that small, dark room. She shared her deepest secrets- she trusted me.

* * *

_--Flashback--_

_Alice closed the door to her room behind her and sighed. The hotel was filled with the scent of blood. My mouth watered and she laid a hand on my chest gently._

"_Jasper," she whispered. "Control." I breathed deeply, __and __then decided to forgo breathing altogether. She smiled slightly._

"_I don't know their last name, but they are a family… I'm sure," she began to tell me. "They drink from animals, isn't that so… fascinating? They have a permanent home, as well! They live there and go to school and go in public-"_

"_During the day?" I asked her, astonished. She grinned, the most wonderful sight I had ever seen._

"_Yes, of course during the day! They live in a rainy place_," _she explained._

_--Flashback--_

* * *

They went to school, this vampire family. She had found them. She was a part of it now. My heart panged when I remembered that I was supposed the have been with her. I brushed it aside and resumed my search.

Bella liked the classics, I could tell. Her worn books smelled of her strongly. I flipped absently through a copy of Wuthering Heights. It was old, but the common smell of dust from old books was absent. I set it down carefully where I had found it.

She didn't have many clothes geared for life in a rainy place, where it snowed and poured. Lying on the ground beside her bed was a light, white blouse- it smelled fresh.

Once I was done poking around her room, I decided to search the rest of the house. Her father was the police chief, Charlie Swan, and he was currently working on the disappearance of the little girl I had killed. She had tasted marvelous. My theories many years ago with Bella were true- it was so much simpler to kill the children. But now I couldn't shake the sight of the little girl, lying so innocently in bed… I shuddered. Poor girl.

The kitchen was a place I was a bit wary to enter. It _reeked_ of human food- ugh. I wrinkled my nose and made my way through quickly. There wasn't much, though. Bella's scent was on the money jar, so I was sure she was planning to go food shopping later on.

The living room had a rather lived in look. A worn sofa, a big TV, a coffee table with plenty of stains on it… it seemed homely. I sat down on the couch, listening to the rain in silence. I could get used to this place and I was sure to be here a lot. Bella would be in school and I would be here. Alone.

Of course, if I went to school _with_ her I would be able to get closer much easier. The idea of school intrigued me, ever since it had been mentioned in 1948. I wasn't sure my resistance would be strong enough, but I could try.

I would need to find a "home" with the Swans. Perhaps Bella could convince her father that I was a runaway, that I needed shelter. Charlie was a police officer, though, wouldn't he file the case? It was worth a try. If not, I could always frighten him into it. I would have no trouble being eighteen, but I would need a place of residence. As I said, I could get used to it here.

I glanced at the clock, and judging by the increased traffic, school was over. I dashed up to Bella's room to wait for her. I resumed my seat in the rocking chair and sat still as a statue.

She entered about half an hour later. With a soft _plop, _her book bag hit the ground. I still did not move. Instead, I fought my instincts. She sighed and glanced around her room. Her shrieks pierced the silence as her eyes settled on me – a killer.

"Sh!" I hushed quickly, snapping up into a standing position. "I'm your friend, remember? Well, at least, I _want_ to be." She watched me with frightened eyes.

"What do you want?" she asked me shakily.

"Honestly?" She nodded and I grinned. Good, this would be perfect for frightening her. She would do anything for me! "Your blood. But I'm working to resist it. I also want protection from _them_. Perhaps friendship, a home, I don't know, really."

"Last night, was she one of the people you're trying to hide from?" I nodded and shock filled her eyes. "The Cullens don't like me much. Not Edward, at least," she whispered softly, almost sadly. Then her rage erupted. "But he's just a rich, stuck up jerk! I didn't do anything to him!"

"That's right, you tell him!" I commented blankly, amused with her secrets. She frowned and watched me.

"What are you?"

"Jasper. You know that," I grinned, trying to ignore the wording of her question. She said _what_ are you, not _who_ are you.

"No, I know who you are… but what are you?" I paused, trying to gauge how much fright I should give her at once. I decided that this couldn't hurt much.

"Vampire. Them too, the… what did you call them? Ah, yes, Cullens. They're vampires, too." I waved my hand, brushing it aside as if it were nothing. I stepped forward gracefully, towards her- she was frozen in place.

"Your eyes are red," she commented breathlessly. I nodded wordlessly, watching the blood seep into her cheeks. "You… you killed that little girl, didn't you?"

"You're smarter than I thought you were… yes, I killed her. It was a nice meal." I stroked her warm skin briefly before stepping back. I was tempting myself with the blood. I couldn't risk it. She shivered**,** but made no move. "You will tell your father I am a runaway. You will ask that I stay here. I will enroll myself into school – I'm eighteen," I commanded, telling her my story. "Memorize the facts, learn them. If you don't…" I trailed off, shrugging. I would let her think that up herself.

Her heartbeat increased rabidly. She would obey me, I was sure of it. Her chocolate eyes were wide and fearful, like a deer's. The only difference is that she would taste a lot better than an animal. The realization came to me suddenly and I collapsed.

* * *

_--Flashback--_

"_Deer? Why in the world would I eat deer?" I hissed as she pulled me along. She turned back, disbelief in her eyes._

"_I just told you- that family drinks from animals! We ought to try. I do." I grabbed my hand back sharply, wincing at the thought of animals. "It doesn't taste the same, but it's okay," she continued in a small voice. I shut my eyes again, trying to envision myself drinking from an animal… but couldn't. I couldn't fight the affection seeping out of both of us though. I reached for her hand again, and it felt warm, even with our icy skin._

"_Deer it is," I gulped uncertainly, but her face lit up and my heart melted._

_--Flashback--_

* * *

Her heartbeat fluttered nearby and I snarled threateningly. She backed away uncertainly.

"Get away from me, Bella," I growled and she took one more step towards the door. "No – sit down on the bed." She paused for a moment, watching me carefully. "Now!"

When I looked up, she was perched on the edge. I glared at her, for making me remember. The action repulsed me. It almost made her seem unappetizing. Almost.

I stood carefully and tried to continue as I was before. It was impossible- she had seen me in my weakened state. Her emotions, still frightened but not as intensified as before, were filled with pity now. I brushed that aside.

"Tell me about these Cullens," I demanded quietly, taking my seat on the rocking chair.

"They're beautiful," she began, slowly at first**,** but increasing with speed as she went. "They don't talk to anyone but each other, they're pale, just as pale as you, Edward seems to hate me, and Alice was in my room last night**,** but she pretended she didn't know me."

"Anything else?"

"Yes. Their eyes are gold." I pondered this for a moment before dismissing her.

"Go. Do your homework or whatever it is you humans do in the evenings." She left as swiftly as a clumsy human could. I would have to be careful about that. Clumsy equals accidents which equal blood which equals, in the end, me killing her and me getting killed by the Cullens. They were a large coven, I remembered. I struggled to bring up _her_ words from so long ago, but they had been blocked for so long. It was difficult. It hurt. And if I was able to do this with even half the intensity to Bella, I would know that my plan was successful.

* * *

I hope you liked it! My inspiration song for this part of the story was definitely I Hate Everything About You by Three Days Grace. I tend to use one song for inspiration for certain chapters and moods. The first few are the above song. As I'm getting into it, it's definitely changing to As Long As You're Mine from Wicked. At the rate I'm working, it's already been popping up in my head (and in my IPOD!). For some reason, I've been listening to Bleeding Love, Damaged, and Into The Night (where did that last one come from??). They seem to help, but since I only have one of them, YouTube is constantly up!


	4. Chapter 3

Thanks to my wonderful beta Amber-is-a-Jasper's-Girl, who finally got her reward for betaing this- a fic where there is Jasper/Amber! Erasing the Fears, oneshot, yes shameless self promortion, I do it a lot! And thanks to all you readers and reviewers, I heart you ALL whether you like it or not (the story, I mean...). Seriously, I was ready for flying rotten fruit when I started it, but instead I've gotten AMAZING response. Aww... I love you guys!! Gets all teary and emotional Just so you know, and please don't hate me, but July 4th weekend I'm going away and then from mid July to mid August I have camp, so no updates during then... sorry! I'll try and get a few more chapters up before then I swear!

Oh and extrra thanks to those who gave me words!! More would be appreciated! I know I cheated this time, but it makes the right sound right? Right, of course I'm right. Sorry, Fiddler on the Roof moment! And those of you who said they loved evilish Jasper. I do too... I do too. I'm actually rereading Eclipse and just finished Jasper's story. I'm definitely trying to channel military Jasper.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Sorry!

* * *

While Bella waited for her father to return home, I dashed out to buy some contacts. Red eyes wouldn't do. I picked a dark, chocolaty brown.

"These ought to cover it," I muttered as I strategically stuck a half orb into my eye- I poked way to hard. I heard Bella come up the stairs to the bathroom. I tried again right before she appeared by the door. "Arg!"

"I'd help, but I doubt I could do it without hurting you. Or me," she offered softly. I chuckled. I was becoming pretty fond of her soft spoken comments and biting sarcasm, even in just the few hours we had been on "friendly" terms.

"I've got it," I insisted. I successfully shoved the first in my eye, so quickly that Bella didn't see. I moved onto the second as she watched me with interested eyes.

"Do you want to dye your hair? My dad has always been wary of tall guys with blonde hair, unless he's known him their whole life. You know why."

"No," I responded firmly. "If he doesn't like me, I can manipulate his emotions so that he does."

"Vam- your kind can do that?"

"Enough questions," I ducked quickly out of that conversation. "What's wrong with you that you need to know all this?"

"Curiosity. You know that I can't act, right?" I stared in the mirror for a while, just looking at my dull, brown eyes. They had a slight tint of red, but no human would be able to notice. I sighed, remembering when I was still human. This had been my original eye color.

A car door slammed from outside and Bella jumped. She stumbled down the stairs to set the table for her and her father.

"Hey, Bells," he greeted wearily. I listened to make sure she didn't slip up on her facts. "How was school? Make any friends?"

"It was good. I sat with some kids during lunch. They seemed nice," she replied, but her voice was distracted. "How was work? Any leads on the little girl?" Ah. I understood now.

She wanted to know if I had covered up the murder at all. I had honestly felt terrible for giving the parents hope that their daughter was alive - no sign of death had been left. But it was the only thing to be done.

"Nope," he told as chairs scraped against the tile floor. I could picture them perfectly. Bella would be sitting timidly, nervously even by the window and her father would be looking tired and stressed across from her. "Not a sign of struggle, either. She just disappeared. And only six years old as well! It almost reminds me of – well, never mind."

They ate in silence for a while. I sighed impatiently. When was I going to make my entrance? That's when I realized I was on my own for this. She had pretty much said it herself. I flipped through the phone book, looking up the phone number I needed. I grumbled to myself as I climbed out Bella's bedroom window and snuck my way over to the front door. Stupid humans.

* * *

I rapped sharply on the door and a startled gasp came from the kitchen.

"I'll get it, Dad," Bella yelled as she dashed to the door. It was flung open and she glowered. "What are you playing at?" she hissed.

"Sh," I murmured. No need to ruin this now. I continued, a little louder now. "Hello. I'm Jasper. Are your parents home?"

"Yes." She was stiff, her lips pursed. Charlie poked his head out of the kitchen, and with seeing me, walked forward.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, concern faked in his eyes. He wasn't a very good actor either. "Are you alone?"

"Yes." I began weaving my story smoothly. "May I use your phone? I, well, I ran away from home. I need to call my family." Just the idea of a family filled my body with warmth. I shoved it away and was refilled once more with ice. I couldn't bear to get attached to _anyone_, especially in such circumstances. I was filled with butterflies, just anticipating the phone call I was about to make.

"S-sure," he nodded and led me into the house. I was handed a wireless phone and left alone in his room, for privacy I suppose. I waited until I heard their eating resume.

I dialed the number with a quick speed that could only be achieved by a vampire.

"Hello?" a gruff voice answered. It sounded surprised, as if nobody ever called.

"Hello, is Alice there?" I questioned. The boy sighed and let out a laugh.

"One second. ALICE! Phone!!" I heard a shriek and the slamming of doors.

"If it's Mike Newton again, I'm not home!" her shrill voice screamed from far off.

"Are you Mike Newton?" he asked me, not missing a beat. I frowned.

"No."

"Okay, thanks. It's not Mike Newton!!" Alice's protests of coming to the phone made me laugh. I wondered just how many boys called her. At that thought I growled to myself.

"Who are you talking to?" I jumped. Bella had startled me, I was so immersed in this argument between the mysterious boy and my former mate.

"I don't know. I'm _trying_ to talk to Alice Cullen." She nodded her head quietly and perched herself on the bed.

"She's the one that was in my room last night, right?" I raised my eyebrow speculatively. She withered back.

"Yes, that was her."

"One minute, sorry, I'm trying to get her," the boy grumbled before letting out a yell. "Alice, get off me! Mom, Dad, she's attacking me!! Edward, pull her off! Help!! Thank goodness, thank you, whoever pulled her off! Oh… hiya, Rose. Alice, phone for you."

There was a tense silence and I could almost picture her. She would be standing at a phone, pursing her lips, her eyes narrowed.

"Who is this?" she finally asked and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Me, Jasper. Listen, I – "

"Don't. Don't try and apologize, Jasper. I understand." Her voice was cold, uncaring. She sounded like _me_ for a moment. I shivered, only now realizing how scary I must seem. "You couldn't take it. You couldn't take our diet. I understand, plenty can't do it! But don't go killing around our town. This is _our_ territory. We can't have mysterious deaths around us!" Bella was watching me intently, interested. I could tell she wanted to know more about Alice. "You get that, right? And Bella Swan – honestly, what do you have against the girl? If you were going to kill, you could at least not play with your food. Lord, did I just say that? I've got to go and recheck my image of humans. You've reverted me back to my old thinking – it took me an entire _month_ after I slipped to get rid of it."

She ranted on and on and I found myself clinging on to every word, every syllable. Her voice washed over me, something I had wanted for years, for over half a century. It pained me how she said "our" now, but it didn't mean me and her. It meant _them_.

"I think Bella wants to speak to you," I interrupted before I lost control. She stopped, startled.

"Um, sure, put her on." Her tone was uncertain, but I shoved the device into the human's hand. She held it up to her ear hesitantly.

"A-Alice? Um, well, I just wanted to say thank you. For, you know, saving my life," Bella stuttered.

"It's no problem, I guess," Alice responded, sounding just as nervous. "One second. Wait, Edward, what are you doing? Go guard your stupid piano! Emmett, get away from there, he'll kill you, I swear on Carlisle's medical files! Yes, I'm serious, when it comes to that, when am I not? Rosalie, control your husband! No, Rose, don't kill _him_, kill Emmett! CARLISLE, ESME!"

"Alice, dear, don't you think you can help?" a fatherly voice questioned as a boom sounded.

"No," she told him, sounding like a teenager for once. "I'm on the phone! Anyhow, I'm sorry, Bella, Edward's being an – oh, shush, you! I told you, I'm on the – ah, get off of me, that's not fair, you're taller!" The phone went _click_ and I sighed.

"Thank you for saving my life? Don't you have any filter? Especially when I'm here?" I hissed and she shrunk back even more. I sent out a flow of calm. I couldn't have her cowering of fear, could I? "Sorry. Come on. My family just had a fight and they don't want me back. Get it?" She nodded feebly.

We found Charlie sitting in the living room, watching TV. I quickly explained my "situation" to him and he grinned a crinkly smile. He was thinking over his options and he was doubting them. I sent out some trust and all that doubt disappeared.

"You can stay here if you'd like," he offered. I thanked him profusely and made my way up to the guest room. Tomorrow would be the real test. Could I possibly get through a day surrounded by so many humans, so many meals?

I thought back to those few weeks where I had gone by the animal diet. I remembered the resistance was hard, but it all started with exposure. And so, as soon as she was asleep, I slipped into Bella's room and stared out into the night, into the starless sky.

* * *

**Okay, yeah, short chapter, I know, I'm sorry. But most of my chapters are relatively short. This was supposed to go with the last chapter, but I split it up for a reason that I seriously can't recall right now. But it's late and tomorrow's my last day of school- that's my excuse!! Don't yell at Bella's line to Alice, please! She had no idea what to say, the phone was pretty much shoved upon her, she blurted the first things in her mind!**


	5. Chapter 4

**Okay, this is unbeta-ed because I simply haven't gotten it back yet and I'm leaving for over a month on Sunday. I might also post the next chapter... and maybe the one after that... because they are both very amusing. Though there's not much action (that comes in 3 chapters! A bit of action, look forward to it!), This one involves Jasper in school, as does the next. Athe one after the next is a little fluffy scene. It was originally part of the actiony chapter, but it was over 11 pages, so I split it up. I would have split it more, but there were NO appropriate parts to do so! Oh, and I think I might be ruling out the Belasper part. More like Belasper friendship. It stinks because that was where I was planning on going with this, but... ah, well. I like how it's turning out!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight! Or New Moon! Or Eclipse! Or Breaking Dawn! AUGUST 2ND!!**

* * *

"I'm Jasper Whitlock," I crooned to the secretary. "I'd like to register for school here. My family is… not here right now, but I plan to go to college and I need to complete my education."

She shifted her papers and with wide eyes, began to type figures into the computer. What odd things… how humane, yet useful. Then again, many things were like this. Cars, for instance. They were very nice machines, I liked them. Not always reliable, or so I've heard, but definitely cool. Unfortunately, I had no idea how to drive one. I'd have to get someone to teach me…

The secretary finally took a glance at my face. Oh no. Blood rushed through her veins, making my throat ache and my body wanted to lunge.

No. Not here. _They_ would be here. I'd get killed. No, definitely not here.

"I'm not sure that's possible, Mr. Whitlock," she stuttered, her heart fluttering like crazy. Heck, _I_ was going crazy. I needed blood, I _wanted_ it so badly! I could kill her and run. It would only take a few seconds, that wretched family hadn't arrived yet. I could get away, and then come back for Bella another time. It would be easy.

The door swung open and cold air rushed in, clearing my head temporarily. There were several scents that now clouded my nose. Bella. This boy with spiky blonde hair that I did not know. Edward Cullen. Darn it! Edward Cullen! I groaned.

Sweet blood dripped on the ground, causing me to actually look for the source. It came from the boy's knees.

"Oh gosh, Mike, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you and I was coming here to meet someone and oh, no." Bella moaned the last part and glared threateningly at Cullen, who was smirking while supporting the boy.

"I'll take him into the nurse, Mrs. Cope, it's fine," he said smoothly, sliding past me. He managed to nudge me hard in the back – _ow_ was all I could think. It outweighed the thirst, though that was probably his intention.

Bella walked unsteadily beside me, looking dizzy. She glanced sullenly at the retreating boys.

"I don't like blood," she muttered. "It makes me dizzy." I rolled my eyes ever so slightly. She was the weirdest human I had ever met. I flashed a grin at the secretary, who was looking after Cullen with longing. What I would give to hear her thoughts…

"You don't want to know," Cullen said in a tone that humans couldn't hear. I mentally shuddered. He laughed. How did he _do_ that? It was creepy, the way he knew what I was thinking!

I smiled gently at Mrs. Cope, trying to put my charisma to good use. Her heart fluttered and she turned her attention to me.

"You were saying?" I prodded and tried to send out some feeling of giving.

"I-I'll just type out your schedule. Jasper Whitlock, was it?" She scrambled around, typing as quickly as she could while gathering papers.

"Yes," I replied quietly, the pain in my back giving way to the burning thirst.

"Can you put him in some classes with me?" Bella requested quite suddenly. "He's staying at my house, I think it's my duty to show him around."

"Well," she muttered, looking things over. "He can certainly be in your Gym class, as well as English… and I would put him in your Biology class, but it's full. I'm sorry, dear." Mrs. Cope spoke to Bella, but looked at me as she did so. A hot piece of paper printed out and she handed it to me, fumbling as she did. "Just get this sheet signed and bring it in later."

"Thanks," I muttered, and directed Bella out of the room.

"What are you _doing?_ What is wrong with you?" I hissed at her as soon as we were out of earshot.

"I-I'm sorry." She blushed and looked down at her feet. "It's just that I thought you might need some help getting through the school days. I know that you're not used to so many humans and I was worried." I understood now. She didn't want her classmates to be killed. I relaxed and breathed deeply, thinking.

"We have first period together," I commented, glancing at the sheet of paper in her hand. "English. And last period, Gym. And we also have lunch. Darn it, what do I do during lunch?"

"I don't know!" She threw her hands up in the air, exasperated. Not the best idea. She went flying, only to be caught mere seconds before hitting the ground by Edward Cullen. He glared at her, his eyes black. He turned on his heel and walked away.

"How long until class?" I asked Bella. She checked her watch.

"Five minutes." I smiled. Just enough time. I grabbed her wrist and walked as quickly as possible at human speed. She gasped and I remembered our first encounter. I reminded myself of my plan. Befriend her, make her fall in love, break her heart, _stop_ her heart. It was working so far. There was no need to mess it up now. I loosened my grip slightly.

The Cullens were right in front of us now. There were four of them, all with gold eyes. There was a big, burly boy, who I guessed was Emmett, bronze haired Edward, Alice (I gulped when I thought of her), and Rosalie. The last name just popped into my head without conscious thought, and it seemed right. I wondered idly how I knew. It was too late when I remembered that idle thought was not good.

* * *

"_So, there's Carlisle and Edward… Esme, she's Carlisle's wife, Rosalie, she's a beautiful blonde, honestly, and then there's a new boy… he's only been with them for a little over a decade. He's Emmett, married to Rosalie. Edward's single."_

"_So many," I breathed, shocked at the sheer numbers. If I were still with Maria, knowing of this… family would be a threat to us. "And we're meant to be with them?"_

* * *

We were meant to be with them. _I_ was meant to be with them. I should have belonged, I should have fit in! I felt like such an outsider! I felt like these weren't my emotions!

I spun around to see a freshman, standing alone while watching a gaggle of other girls walk by. Oh. So they weren't my emotions. This would take some getting used to. I tried to ignore these thoughts as I yelled to the family.

"Hey, Cullen!" Alice, Edward, and Emmett spun around to glare at me. Emmett walked over first, then Edward, then Rosalie, then Alice. I don't know why Rosalie didn't respond as a Cullen… oh wait. They were supposed to be a family. Brother and sister don't date… got it.

Edward smirked as I went through my thought process and I found myself wondering how he did that for the second time in less than an hour.

"You're that guy that called last night, aren't you?" Emmett was curious, but not threatening. I smiled and stuck out my hand. He took it willingly and proceeded to crush – I mean shake it.

"Yep, that's me." His face hardened as he glanced at Alice.

"You know Alice?" I could hear the whispers of the student population.

"The Cullens are talking!"

"That new guy is almost as cute as Edward!"

"Almost as cute? He's not cute at all! He's _hot_!"

"Why are they socializing? I thought they didn't do that!"

"Two new kids in two days! Weird, isn't it? And the Cullens pay attention to both of them!"

I pushed away their words, though I stored the information in my mind for later. It could be useful.

"Yes, I know her. We met briefly, a long time ago." That was an understatement. I didn't know her, I longed for her. We didn't meet briefly, we loved briefly. Then I left and ruined it all. His eyes flickered for a moment as he glanced from me to her. She was frowning, upset.

I tried to get my mind off her disappointed face.

_Think… let's think… Bella! That's it, think about Bella!_ I pondered. _She reads classics, she has a lot of music, her car is super slow…_ I listed everything I knew about her in my head, successfully blocking out images and bloodlust. I was interrupted by a strong feeling coming off of Edward. It was love. He was standing near Alice. My anger flared.

"Why did you want to talk to us?" Rosalie said snottily, distracting me from my anger. I remembered my real motivation.

"What do you do at lunch?" It sounded so stupid when it came out of my mouth. It sounded so childish, and so unknowing! I felt stupid.

"Buy lunch, play with it a bit, then throw it out. It's easier than it seems. You've got money, right?" I fidgeted uncomfortably. I never really had a way to collect money. I stole clothes and other possessions from my victims, but since I stole them, I had no need for money. Bella's hand was suddenly on my arm.

"I'll share with you," she whispered. Her eyes were wide and warm again. I felt compassion coming from her and love coming from Edward and confusion coming from Emmett and disgust coming from Rosalie and love coming from Alice.

Before I could think that over, the bell rang. I pulled Bella through the crowd, which parted easily for me, and got us to class just on time. The teacher glared as we settled down and I had to fight to keep up my smile. Sometimes it was so hard to be an empath.

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**There you go! Hope you enjoyed it!**


	6. Chapter 5

**I'm Baaaaack! --enter scary music and creaking door-- Muhahaha!! Time to torture the characters!!**

**Heehee, just kidding. Well, kinda. Next chapter is where I get to torture Jasper. Bella gets her revenge :) Some of it, at least.**

**Breaking Dawn was sooo great!! Anyone who wants to talk about it, PM me, cuz nobody at home is done (nobody at camp had finished it either. SO I have nobody to talk to about --muffles self before gives away whole book--). And I have some news... you know how I have his backstory with flashbacks and I'm going to post the entire thing (flashbacks included as part of the past... they're real exerpts from it) soon because... I FINSIHED IT TODAY! I've been working so hard on it!! Yay! I am actually really proud of it.**

**Shortish chapter, sorry! But the next one is long, I think. Really eventful, actually. I think you find out exactly what happened to Jasper in 3 chapters at the soonest. 4, perhaps. I'm not sure. Enjoy the Cullens!**

**AN: I do not own... sadly... wahhh!!**

* * *

"What is that?" I asked Bella as I carried "our" tray over to her friends' table. I was referring to a greasy red and white _thing_.

"Pizza," she whispered. "Haven't you ever had it?"

"No, I was born in the mid 1800s. I've never heard of it before. When was it invented?" A look of understanding crossed her face and she totally ignored my question.

"Did you see the Civil War?" Her voice barely held in her excitement and astonishment. Her emotions definitely relayed it.

"Yes," I whispered, my voice suddenly raw as I remembered Maria and the events that led to this. "I fought in it." Her eyes flickered in awe. She was going to question me later, I knew it. I inwardly groaned and held myself back from just snapping her neck there and then.

We neared the table and I slammed down the tray as lightly as possible. Bella's smile faded as she slipped into a hard, plastic chair. She pulled the one beside her out a little bit for me. Well, she tried – she wound up falling off her chair and I had to catch her before blood was spilled.

She blushed marvelously and I was doing all I could to hold my breath. The girl was amusing to watch, but she made my throat ache all the time! I would need to teach her to control her blushing or something. I was so busy trying to figure out if that was possible that I didn't even notice all of the children watching me.

"So," one girl, a blonde, drawled out. "Where are you from?"

"Texas." There was no point in lying, was there? "I ran away from home." And I did. I still was, because if what _she_ had said so long ago, wherever the Cullens were was supposed to be my home. Well, I was still fleeing from them, wasn't I?

"Oh." Her face split into a huge smile. "You can stay at my house."

"Sorry," I brushed off her comment as if it were nothing and grabbed a bottle of brown liquid from Bella's tray. It read "Coca-Cola." "I'm staying at Bella's."

Her face went into full pout mode and disappointment was radiating off of her. And… was that resentment and jealousy? I hadn't felt real jealousy in years, but through humans I could sort of feel it. I fiddled with the cap of the soda with one hand and grabbed an apple with the other.

"Jasper, this is Lauren," Bella began slowly, as if trying to remember all their names. She pointed at the blonde first and made her way around. "That's Mike. There's Eric, next to him is Angela, and next to her is Jessica." I nodded silently, willing them all to leave me alone. They did.

The warm, inviting scent of blood swam around me threateningly. I stared at the fruit in my hand. It was a deep red, almost the color of the sweet liquid that lay under the skin of every other person in the room.

All except them. They were seated at a table on the side. They looked away from each other, not talking. It appeared that way, at least. They had to be communicating somehow, for suddenly Edward's arm was around Alice's shoulders. Rosalie sighed and Emmett grasped her hand tightly. They leaned forward to talk to the two and I heard a conversation only vampires could hear.

"Do I need to go beat him up for you?" Emmett asked roughly, his muscles tensing as he spoke.

"No, it's okay,' Alice reassured.

"Do _I_ need to go beat him up?' Edward offered. "I can, you know. I have no problem hurting him." Alice laughed.

"Yeah, you'd beat him up! And then you'd go and play your piano to ease your thoughts, wouldn't you?"

"Unfair… you saw it." Rosalie burst into giggles, her hair falling in front of her face.

"You _would_ wouldn't you? Edward!" He grinned sheepishly and gave her a smirk. "Don't even say it, or your piano is dead!"

"So, Eddie, are you going to beat him up because he's trying to get the human or because he hurt Alice?" Emmett teased, an aura of seriousness surrounding his harmless words.

"Alice." Edward set his jaw. She quirked her eyebrow, watching him. "Alright, the human, too. She's interesting! You should've heard his mind!"

Amazing… so this Edward was interested in Bella as well. This could prove to be a problem. Bloodlust seeped off of him and I visibly shuddered. It was getting harder. I couldn't stand it anymore. I was going burst.

I envisioned myself leaning forward and snapping that girl, Lauren's neck. I would move on to the rest of the children at the table. Then, Bella would be saved for last, and her warm blood would fill me for ages. I was thirsty and there was no stopping me now.

Alice gasped and Emmett pushed his chair back quickly. He raced towards the table as fast as he could while still going human speed.

"Whitlock!" he yelled, trying to snap me out of my trance. "Whitlock!" It wasn't working. The humans whipped their heads around, shocked to see the Cullen talking and interacting. Their heart rates sped up. This was good… they would taste better.

Alice winced and Edward's eyes turned to Bella, pleading and nervous. Rosalie rolled her eyes and just watched Emmett.

"Whitlock!" He was getting closer now. I would need to work faster. I pushed back my chair, getting ready to attack. Venom pooled to my mouth. I grabbed Bella's arm, pushing her out of the way, saving her for later.

Emmett's hand grabbed my shoulder and pulled me back. His expression was livid, but only deep underneath. He was putting on an act.

"Whitlock. Come sit with us." He gestured towards the Cullen/Hale table. I nodded my head and released Bella from my grasp. Her eyes were wide and frightened again.

"Bella, come," I ordered and she picked up her stuff, apologetically smiling at the other teenagers. She padded along obediently, following as quickly as she could without falling. The emotions coming off all the Cullens were shocked and angry. I slid into a seat at the end, ready to run. I motioned to the one across from me, and Bella placed her food down quietly.

Edward's eyes were stormy. He was beside Bella and his hands gripped the seat tightly.

"Smells good, doesn't she?" I commented, watching his face carefully. He clenched his teeth and I watched as his eyes darkened. I grinned. I wasn't the only one that has trouble with the humans!

"I don't have trouble!" he hissed in response. "Just _her_." Bella didn't respond, she just looked down at her tray and – now that I noticed – bitten nails.

"How do you _do_ that?" He grinned and turned to Alice.

"You didn't tell him? I thought you told him everything."

"I did," she insisted and cocked her head to the side, watching me with intent eyes. I shivered under her gaze. I thought as hard as I could, trying to remember what she has told me about the mysterious family.

* * *

_--Flashback--_

"_Do they accept me?" I asked her, once we had privacy. Alice sat cross legged on the bed as I stood stiffly by the wall. It was silent for a moment as she thought._

"_Carlisle and Esme accept you immediately. Emmett will like you, too." I grinned. I was going to be accepted! "Edward and Rosalie will come a little harder. I don't know why Rosalie won't, but Edward has a hard time trusting people. He reads minds, he knows what really goes on, and if he doesn't like it – well, it takes a while to gain his trust."_

_--Flashback--_

* * *

Edward nodded, his expression playful but eyes stony.

"Well, she is right." He eyed Bella with distaste. She shuddered and peeked meekly out from behind her hair.

"Sorry," she whispered. "I – it's just – if you don't want to be next to me, it's okay, I'll go back to the other table." Edward didn't move and neither did she. He simply glared. With another peek, she began to push back her chair.

"No," I ordered, almost subconsciously. "Sit, Bella. Eat your lunch." She did so and Emmett's eyes turn fiery.

"Will you speak to her like she's a person instead of an animal? Or have you simply been feasting on humans too long? I've seen _dogs_ that are spoken to with more respect!" he snarled. I gritted my teeth. Bella blushed deeply and Edward shifted.

"Please," she said. "It's fine. It's good, honest." Emmett's eyes flashed to her, then to Alice, Edward, and finally Rosalie.

"Am I the only one that cares?" he hissed at them. "I am, I think. Alice, you're not usually like this. Edward, don't you care a _little_? I think you have more than enough to atone for." Edward let off feelings of shame and discomfort. What had _he_ done? I chuckled to myself. "And Rosalie! Please, I know you want to be human, I get that, I understand! But that doesn't mean you can simply ignore them! We live around them, we need to deal with it. And _you_." He turned to me. "What are you playing at? Frightening her before going and sucking her dry?"

I swallowed hard, trying to think up a good response. The others were also, as Bella just sat and endured the conversation. Alice was the first to speak.

"Bella… listen, we don't mean to be like this, it's just out of the norm for us. And that's saying something. We are mythical creatures!" She laughed bitterly, the sound odd coming from her mouth. "Anyhow… would you like to spend the night at our house? As a friend, of course. Your dad won't mind! And I bet you've been going _crazy_ in this place. We can go out of town! To Port Angeles or something. Anyone else up for it?"

Bella looked at me uncertainly. I gazed at the Cullens and sharply nodded my head. A smile broke out on her nervous face and she was filled with relief.

"I'd love to," she responded. "But what about - "

"We feed on animals," Rosalie informed her coldly. "Jasper, however, does not. Listen… Carlisle can probably steal some blood samples from the hospital. We'll have them tonight. Pick them up, okay?" Pick them up… does that mean I wouldn't be there?

"Yes. Bella will be spending the night with Alice and Rosalie. Emmett and I will be hanging out. And you are not welcome." Edward's words sounded strained as if he were struggling. They were cold and pierced through me like knives. He suddenly pulled away from the table. "I'm ditching. Anybody coming?" Alice stood suddenly and grabbed his arm.

"Yeah. I need to talk to Esme. And you'll be having a nice conversation with Carlisle later, won't you?" Edward's face went blank for a moment as Alice grinned wickedly. "I've been waiting for this for a long time." Emmett was suddenly interested and it was as if Bella and I were not present. Even Rosalie seemed animated.

"He's getting the talk! I got that right after he changed Emmett!" she piped in.

"And I got it _twice!_" Emmett bragged. "You are in for it! This ought to be good!"

"Alice hasn't gotten it either!" Edward snarled.

What talk? What was going on? They didn't mean – oh no, they probably did.

"We don't mean that! Come on, Alice!" He tugged the little pixie away and Bella watched them with her wide brown eyes. An unfamiliar feeling rolled off her. I couldn't figure it out, no matter how much I tried. The bell rang and Emmett and Rosalie left the table with such speed that I was sure they were giving themselves away.

The rest of the school day was uneventful. Bella tripped a few times in Gym, but I was luckily just watching for the day. I was far, far away when Bella gave the girl beside her a nosebleed.

_Hmm…_ I contemplated as I watched her blush bright red as she stuttered apologies. _Humans are more interesting than I gave them credit._ If I really, really, really put my mind to it, I could see Bella the way most boys in the school seemed to – with adoration and lust. She was even sort of pretty. For a weak, pathetic human at least.

I shook my head and shuddered. Being around so many humans was giving me weird thoughts.

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**Hope you liked it!! Going to the Cullens is next chapter!**


	7. Chapter 6

**Bella gets her revenge here! WHoohoo! If you've read my story Sick, you probably know what's going to happen... if you haven't, I suggest you read the** **chapter and then go read that! It's a short twoshot, not very long :)**

**Lotsa Cullen interactions here and, unfortunately, a story arc that starts to bring it to a close. There are a ton more chapters, so don't worry about that - but things are going to start to be resolved soon!! Flashback chapter very soon, so you won't be at total loss of where the heck they are and what's going on in this snippet of time! I suggest you read it, even though some things will be repeated. It's a very fun filled chapter, lots of things that actually didn't make it into the other chapters.**

**Amber... um... I'm probably a really bad author... cuz I forgot anyone was betaing ANY of my stories, including this one. And to be honest, I have the patience of a... of something with little patience. So, I'm gonna keep posting it myself without it being betaed. I'm sorry! Let's all give a round of applause to Amer who got me this far into the fic! Whoo! Yeah!**

**Oh, yeah, and I'm proud of myself - I did research for parts of this chapter and for parts of the flashback (and there are other bits of research that didn't make it in). I hate research. I'm good at it, but it's soo annoying.**

**Anyhow, enjoy!**

**AN: I do not own... sadly... wahhh!!**

* * *

"Bella!" Charlie yelled as he entered the house. "Jasper!" he added uneasily. "How was school?"

"It was good, thank you," I commented quietly, passing Bella a jar of alfredo sauce. I had nothing to do, so I was helping her cook. She had a lot of questions, especially since she planned on spending the night with the Cullens. I had just been telling her about what would happen if a vampire ate food.

Needless to say, she was a bit disgusted by the fact that we would need to cough it up.

"So, what's for dinner?" he asked cautiously, sliding into a chair at the kitchen table. Bella grinned.

"Fettuccini alfredo. What, Dad, you don't trust me?" Charlie's face was even more scared than before. My stomach rolled as his did, my fear of the food pronounced by Charlie's. He had obviously had a bad experience.

"You know, Bella, I think I'll have to pass. We had some pizza at the station, I forgot to call, I'm sorry, really. Say, did you learn that recipe from your mom?" He was inching out of his chair now and Bella sent him an exasperated glare.

"No, Dad, this isn't like the time where Mom burnt the sauce and undercooked the noodles. It's fine, try it, really!" She stirred the pot, sending the aroma swimming through the air. My stomach did another flop. Human food always did that to me.

Charlie's face was astonished as he plopped back down. Bella laughed and set the table, setting three plates and glasses on the colorful placemats. She filled the plates (one oddly heaping) with the pasta and sat down opposite her dad. They watched me expectantly. Then it hit me.

I was supposed to sit down and eat. I was supposed to sit down and eat the heaping plate. Of human food! Shooting the girl a sneer while Charlie was turned the other way, I picked up the fork awkwardly. I hadn't eaten in over a hundred years. I really hoped I remembered how. I pushed a forkful into my mouth and struggled to keep down a grimace. It tasted terrible, it was gritty and unpleasant in my mouth, I wanted to gag. I couldn't pretend her cooking was bad though. Charlie was obviously enjoying it immensely.

I swallowed thickly, taking my time to refill my fork.

"That was a big bite there, kid," the officer mentioned. "Take a sip of water." Wincing inwardly, I gulped the tasteless glass in less than a minute flat. Oh yeah, this girl was dead.

"Dad," Bella glanced at the clock. "I was invited to spend the night at someone house tonight. Jasper was going to drive me. You don't mind, right?"

"Whose house? Anyone I know?"

"Um, the Cullens. Alice, her name was."

"Dr. Cullen's family? Hm, I never heard of them really interacting. Ah well, I won't deny that they are the best behaved children this town has ever seen. Very respectful, not an ounce of trouble from them. Alright, no problem." The matter was settled then. I would get my blood, and Bella would get a break from me.

I was so immersed in my thoughts that I barely noticed when I had a single forkload left on my plate. When I did, however, the gritty, disgusting taste filled my mouth and I had to stop my self from spitting it out. Bella noticed and she flashed a quick grin. The evil little brat! She had a purpose for those questions! She had a plan! Ugh!

"Go ahead, Bella," Charlie insisted only minutes later. "I'll clean up. You have fun!"

"You don't mind if I stay over, too, do you?" I asked him as we walked towards the front door. "I might hang out with Alice's brothers." He shook his head and I smiled. I would so get her back for this.

My stomach was churning by the time we pulled up to the Cullen driveway. I had simply driven us down the street, where Bella and I switched seats. I couldn't drive, not yet. I still needed to learn. Therefore, it took forever at her human speed. I could have walked quicker.

It wasn't the fact that I was getting sick. That was impossible. It was simply the fact that I could feel every nerve in my body and the thought and touch of the food, sitting numbly in my stomach, made me want to puke. The taste didn't help. As soon as the car was parked, I slammed open the door and dashed out.

Emmett was at the door to greet Bella, but I pushed my way past him.

"Second floor, third to the left!" Alice's voice rang and she danced down the stairs.. I nodded thankfully and was soon kneeling on the ground beside a toilet.

"Edward, if you aren't strong enough, it's okay, you don't need to do this to yourself, really. It's unnecessary." I stopped puking for a moment to listen.

"I am not weak! Besides, that vampire that's staying with her-"

"Perhaps he's an old friend!"

"No, he's not! We told you he kills humans! He wants to kill her!"

"I could very much say the same for you. Edward, remember, vampires living like we do isn't very common. We need to accept that it happens."

"But it's her!" Edward was moaning, though in pain or aggravation I couldn't tell.

"Edward…" The voice was full of warning, of apprehension.

"He's the one that left her!" Everything went silent and I took the opportunity to puke.

"You mean… that he's that Jasper? The one from her visions when she woke up?"

"That one. Seriously, how many tall, blonde, human killing vampires that go by the name Jasper are there?"

"How did you know what he looked like?" The voice was full of a hidden meaning.

"No! Not like that, Carlisle! You know that, really! Must you try and get me together with every single vampire there is?"

"Why would she tell you, then? I don't believe the rest of us have ever heard this."

"I read minds, Carlisle. I have no choice! Believe me, it's bad enough for you to all know the general knowledge of what he did. It's terrible to see it… it's like being there. She clings onto every memory, it hurts her. She's in pain just by thinking about him!"

"True, I suppose. Now, you're hiding something. Do tell."

"He's in the bathroom, puking up the dinner that Bella forced him to eat to put on the show that he was human for her father. He's listening to every word we're saying." Suddenly, the words were coming from behind me. I quickly stood and I would surely be blushing if I were human. Edward glowered, a blonde male behind him, standing serenely, watching the boy with careful eyes.

I smiled wryly, but tensed my body, waiting for a fight.

"I'm not going to fight you. Do I look insane?"

"You hear voices in your head, isn't that enough?" He fell silent. "That's what I thought. But you already knew that, didn't you?" I sent out a whole lot of helplessness and vulnerability out at the vampire. He was incapable of moving by now. There were some times when I really loved my power.

"Stop doing that!" he hissed at me, throwing nervous glances towards the stairs, towards Bella. "Stop it, stop it now!"

"I don't know… why should I?" I was enjoying this, it was very interesting to watch. I barely needed the helplessness now. It was coming on its own, as he was stripped of strength, of control. I heard Alice gasp from downstairs as venom pooled in Edward's mouth. The man grabbed at his arm, but it was no use, he slipped away.

"Hey, Bella, can I see your car? Let's go!" she ushered the human outside as quickly as possible. As soon as the front door was shutting, the vampire launched himself at the stairs, ravenous with hunger, a bloodthirsty monster. I smirked.

"Not so strong now, are you?" He fell to the ground, ashamed. I could hardly feel remorse for my actions, though the blonde male stared at me in horror. A woman had joined him now, with caramel colored hair. She watched me with pity. Pity for what, I wondered? Pity that I'm such a cruel sadistic creature? I held down a laugh. If only she knew what I had done in the past. I had done much, much worse.

Besides, if this boy was in love with Alice, my Alice, he deserved every bit of it. On the other hand, if Alice was in love with him as well, it would make her happy. On the other hand, I was supposed to be with her! She had loved me before we even met! On the other hand, he had mocked me, and nobody got away with that. On the other hand… well, he could hear every word I was thinking, so I never got to think out what was on the other hand.

"Alice is nothing but a good friend and an annoying sister to me, so you don't need to worry about that!" he snarled, however weakly it was. I let go of all my holds over his emotions. Bad idea. I was pinned to the wall in a second, unable to bring air into my lungs. I was defenseless without being able to breathe – if I couldn't breathe, I couldn't smell, and if I couldn't smell, I lost my alert system. He must have figured it out!

"Edward, put him down!" The woman finally intervened. Edward reluctantly uncurled his fingers from his grip. I gasped for breath, letting the scents wash me over. "My name is Esme, dear. From Edward's grip and his words about Alice – not all of which being very nice – you must be Jasper. This is Carlisle, my mate." Her words, 'my mate' stung me, but I pushed it aside.

The room was oddly silent and Carlisle shifted from one foot to another.

"I'll be right back with the blood samples," he excused himself and ran up the stairs. Esme glared openly at Edward who cringed.

"I heard about what happened at lunch today, when you were leaving school," she began, her tone dark. She was angry that he skipped? How pointless! "That wasn't a very nice thing to say. And the poor girl, sitting there thinking you hated her for no reason!"

"I have a reason!" Edward insisted, sounding childish and immature. "She smells good! Better than most humans smell! And Esme, it hurts! Plus, how do we know she thinks I hate her? I can't hear her thoughts, can I?" Esme's expression softened and she reached forward to hug Edward. They seem to have forgotten me.

"It's okay, Mom, I lost my temper." Edward ducked out of the hug, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm going outside." With a final glance at me, he stalked out the door.

Esme reached out her hand and I took it willingly. I could feel that she was weaker than me, though only fractionally. I knew that it had something to do with the animal blood and was reassured that I would be stronger in a fight. However… it would be six to one, not good odds at all.

"I'm sorry," she apologized sincerely. "The kids have a harder time accepting those not in the family, especially those who drink human blood. They pretend that they forgot how wonderful it tastes and how hard it is to stop. The boys aren't usually this harsh, to anyone. They are very protective of Alice, though, especially Edward. You probably understand by now that he saw the whole exchange in her head. None of us really know the whole story except him and he's affected greatly by it." I nodded slowly, not sure if she would be worth having on my side or not.

The conversation from outside drifted through the window and I eavesdropped eagerly, if only to hear Alice's voice.

"So, how fast does this thing run?" Rosalie commented interestedly. "I'm surprised you even drive it, it's an antique!"

"I- I don't know," Bella murmured, caressing her truck carefully. "I haven't tried to go very fast. Jasper was trying to get me to earlier, but I told him that once he learned how to drive, he could go as fast as he wanted. For now we stick to speed limits."

"Bella, can I give you some advice?" Alice asked playfully and didn't wait for an answer. "Don't try and push fifty. Please, for the sake of an antique!"

"Fifty? You drive under fifty?" Edward was incredulous. "That's snail speed!"

"Hey, this car is probably older than you! Respect your elders!" Bella laughed and a musical sound drifted through the air. Laughter. I hadn't heard proper laughter in years, at least not with it being so carefree, without trouble surrounding it in every corner. It was a mixture of several laughs, but one stuck out the most. Alice.

The laughter died down after a moment and was replaced by morbid silence.

"The only person within a five mile radius that this car is older than is Bella," Rosalie sneered bitterly before stomping away. I peered out the window to see the human girl's face full of hurt.

"What did I do?"

"You're living, that's what you did. Being condemned to vampircy really isn't all that great." Emmett's voice was weary, as if he had rattled this off a million times. "It has its perks, but you get sick of it after a while."

"Jasper seems to like it," Bella whispered and a huff of air came from Alice.

"Jasper likes being a vampire? Doubt it. Especially since he kills people and all. How many humans can you dispose of and still like it? The thrill of hunting is exciting at first, I suppose. It's still kind of nice with animals, they're fun to chase. Emmett has a nasty habit of playing with the bears for a little bit. Not in a mean way, just trying not to get hit by their paws. It's a fun game to watch."

"Bears are fun. I like bears." Emmett's tone was annoyed, as if Alice had accused him of something terrible. "Plus, they taste pretty good, too! Much better than lions, I've gotta say."

"You're so nice," Edward said in a scathing tone. "Speaking of lions, I heard there was a surplus up in Goat Rocks. Want to go? I think it's time to hunt. My throat is burning."

"Why'd you even bother asking?" Edward laughed, but the clunking of something falling to the ground from the garage caught his attention. "Rosalie! My car! Emmett, come with me before she destroys the Volvo!" Edward dashed off, leaving Bella blinking like crazy, trying to figure out where he had gone.

"Why should I?" Emmett didn't sound like he was in the mood to stand up to his wife at all. Another clunking sound hit my ears, this one louder.

"Shoot… the engine broke," Rosalie muttered. "I'll need to find a replacement."

"That was your Jeep, Emmett!"

"Dammit! ROSE!!"

From the vibes I was feeling, nobody would be very happy tonight.

"Dear…" Esme was cautious, almost as if she was trying not to frighten me. "Would you like to stay the night? I understand it must be difficult being around humans and it may be easier for you and safer for Bella's father if you're not alone in the house with him." I nodded sharply once more. And a smile broke out into her features.

Alice, who was babbling to Bella about something to do with shopping at the mall, stopped short.

Edward came running out of the garage.

Rosalie and Emmett followed cluelessly.

And Carlisle came running down the stairs with bags of blood.

"Um… shall we go into the kitchen?" he offered. I nodded and followed as he led the way, slapping the bags on the table. "Go ahead. Drink. You must be thirsty. And Edward," he continued, not raising his voice at all, "Go hunt. You need to." The door slammed deafeningly and I winced. Edward was still mad. Nevertheless, I dug in to the blood.

Carlisle watched me with careful, yet kind eyes.

"So," he began, playfulness on the edges of his tone. He grinned. "What intentions do you have with my daughter?" I gave him a look and he rolled his eyes. "Just playing the good father role!"

"My intentions… are unclear as of now." I fiddled absently with a loose thread on my shirt. It was time to really put my plan into play, though. "But Bella is a really nice girl. I like her a lot."

Just then, Alice led Bella inside.

"We have Jello, pudding, stuff for sandwiches, cookies, pizza, ice cream – several flavors, I may add – applesauce, pasta, chicken breast, and um… well, you'll just have to see. Oh, let's just have ice cream, we have toppings and everything! Then we can do our nails and if Rosalie is calm enough to put our cars back together and Edward will let us borrow the Volvo – it's no problem if he won't, we can just take the Mercedes – and go to Port Angeles to see a movie!"

"O-oh, I just-" Bella tried to protest, but was cut off.

"Would you prefer Seattle?" The human sighed. Poor girl… Alice really was overwhelming at times. I could remember the endless trips to stores that she had dragged me to.

* * *

--_Flashback_

_She led me onto a bus, where she paid the fare for both of us. She was dressed in a clean, crisp white blouse and a black skirt that reached the middle of her calves. In her desperate attempt to seem taller, she had donned high heels. They didn't work very well._

_However, I felt quite dirty and disheveled compared to her. A pair of trousers and a dirty white shirt that had been worn beyond its limits. I could sort of see why she wanted me to go shopping. _

_"Come on, let's go here!" Alice led me into a small shop on the corner. There were racks of suits and trousers and shirts. She shoved several items into my arms as I stood dumbly, watching her dash around. "Go try them on!" I found myself being pushed into a dressing room. Before I could even slip my leg into a pair of pants, I heard her shriek._

_"Oh, it's perfect! Next one!" I realized that she could see how it would fit as soon as I decided. I picked up the items, one by one, deciding to try them on. Each time, she would give her critique._

_"Nope, too short… This is good… put that one away, ugh, no, not that color!" And so it went on. Alice handed over the money for our purchases (because Alice couldn't leave the store without some shopping of her own) and held the bags, since I was "blind."_

_--Flashback_

* * *

"Let her breathe, Alice," I joked, trying to seem nonchalant. Her eyes widened and she averted her gaze. "I don't think Bella wants to go out tonight. Do you, Bella?"

Darn it. She was frightened again. This wasn't helping my plan! How come she was totally at ease when I didn't need her to be and scared stiff when she had to be at ease? I didn't bother throwing calm at her. They would all know.

"Come here," I ordered, my arm out in what was supposed to be a friendly gesture. She walked stiffly up to me as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders. "Alice, is Bella really the shopping kind of girl? You have better luck scaring me out of Forks. Which, by the way, isn't likely."

The room was tense. I could feel it. I pressed my lips together into a tight line and stood, opening the seat for Bella. She went to pull the seat out, but I tugged it out gently for her. Surprise wrinkled her brow, but I just smiled wryly back.

"Well, go on. Sit down." She did. "So, Carlisle, you were going to tell me about your hunting habits?"

"Erm, yes, I was. The big game satisfies us far more than easy prey, but they're enough to sustain us. Take Emmett for instance. He finds the most satisfaction from bears, which are his favorite. My favorite is deer. Edward likes mountain lions. Esme and Alice have more of an exotic taste – they prefer zebras. And Rosalie just takes whatever she can get. She's not so picky. " I nodded, only stopping to make a face when he said deer. Yuck.

"I see. Interesting. I've tried deer before," I gave a pointed look at Alice, proud that I was able to allow myself this discomfort and handle it so neatly. "It wasn't all that pleasant, though."

"Acquired taste, I understand. Of course, I've been drinking animal blood since I was first changed. Edward's was the first bit of human blood I ever tasted."

"And did it taste wonderful?" I asked, prodding to see if he saw my point of view. He was at loss for words.

"Well… yes, it did, but it was undesirable in my personal beliefs and goals. I wasn't planning on changing him. But I was sure that if Elizabeth Masen saw her son join her so soon after her death, she would come back and haunt me!" He laughed, the mood lifted by it. I scowled.

"There's no such thing as ghosts."

"There no such thing as vampires." Alice's tone was joking. I struggled to maintain myself.

"True. But have you ever encountered a ghost?"

"No." Suddenly, her tone changed from kind and careful, to angry and vicious. "But when you keep acting like this I wish you were one!" She stormed off, Bella barely tagging along. She stopped at the door, as if asking my permission. I dismissed her with the wave of my hand.

"Is she okay?" I asked warily. Carlisle watched the retreating figures.

"Yes, she's fine. Well, okay, perhaps not. I'm not really sure. Only Edward knows for certain. They're both real close." I stiffened and he caught it from the corner of his eye. "No, not like that. Like friends. They truly consider each other best friends. They are a bit different in this family. Neither have mates - Edward has never even found someone he was interested in – they both have powers that link each other, and so on. Together, they're unstoppable. Alice can see the future, but not the thoughts behind the decisions. Edward can see the thoughts behind the decisions, but not the future. Sometimes they act if they're one. They both mourn for a loss, as well."

"Don't we all?"

"Yes, we do. But Edward mourns for his soul, which he believes is gone, something that if one day is proved true, I will feel extremely guilty for. And Alice mourns for… you."

I didn't respond. The sun set, casting a shadow over the unused kitchen. Emmett raced in and out, grabbing an armful of human snacks to bring to the girls. Alice wasn't ready to come down yet. My throat burned as I tried to figure out what I could do to stop Alice's pain. She obviously wouldn't confront me again. I'd be surprised if she even glanced my way!

When the solution hit me, I gulped. It would ruin my plan with Bella. But as I tried to reason the two plans to work together, I saw that what I told Carlisle was true. Bella was truly nice. I hadn't seen someone so pure or innocent in so long. And I did like her. She was an interesting companion.

I closed my eyes and thought for another moment, just trying to make up my mind. Alice took a sharp breath, something that Bella wouldn't hear, nor notice.

I would have to sacrifice life as I knew it. Somehow, I knew it would be worth it.


	8. Chapter 7

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Well, this chapter is finally done! And so is the next one... but the next one's been done for a while. I should go dig up my rough little dialogue I want to includein my final chapter from my inbox, because I'm almost done with this.

**Wow. I'm almost done with this. Almost done with my love, my baby!! I have actually started to focus more on Lost Control, the sister story, the story that helped inspire the whole "what if" concept for me. I'm working on it, I'm working on it! I want this to be done by Christmas break (and you know with my writers block, it might take that long.). Hopefully by Thanksgiving it'll be finished. Actually... oh, that's an idea, there! Thanksgiving... epilogue... ooh!**

**So, you see, I'm not sure how much more there is, but it's wrapping up. A little more drama left, of course there is! But... yeah. This will be my second completed long term fic that is not for a challenge. The first one was horrible, so hopefully this turns out a little better.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight!**

"I'm still thirsty," I lied to Carlisle. He nodded, understanding.

* * *

"Go ahead. Just try not to go too close to Forks, please."

"You're not going to stop me?"

"Do you really think I can? Or that I will? Jasper, I let Edward go off on his own years ago and we had been together for many decades. I've barely known you for a day. It's not my concern what you hunt. Just where." I tried to comprehend what he was trying to stay to me. "In other words, I'm not going to 'curb your diet' as Edward has so delicately put it."

"Well then… I'm off." He stood and nodded.

"Alright. Good luck. Have fun. Be safe." He walked away without any concern in his aura. Good luck? Have fun? What was this, a sport, to him? I nearly laughed.

I ran out of the house into the cool evening. Cool air and rain hit me, filled my lungs. The filling of one part of my body reminded me of something else that was full.

I puked again in the bushes. I would have in Bella's truck, but I was trying to be nice.

Then I ran, off into the woods. I hadn't hunted like this in decades, so it was very unfamiliar to me. A deer passed my way, but I decided against it. It could turn me off again.

A delicious scent wafted towards me and I moaned in content. I lunged toward it, whatever it was, and sucked the figure dry. It wasn't as sweet as human blood, nor as satisfying, but it was still pretty good. When I pulled back, I discovered that it was a lion. Edward's favorite, I remembered.

I licked my lips, swallowing the taste and the fire. It didn't satisfy the burn completely, but it numbed it. I put it to the back of my mind and turned for the Cullen house.

By the time I got back, it was late. I expected Bella to be asleep, muttering nonsense under her breath. I was met at the door by an exasperated Emmett.

"She won't go to sleep without you there!" he growled. "What've you done except threaten her?"

"I don't know," I answered him truthfully. "Where is she?"

"Alice's room. Come on, I'll show you the way." I followed the burly boy upstairs and to a door that I would have known was Alice's – even without the big sign that she had placed. It just had her personality all over it. Stickers and decorations covered the entrance. It was closed.

Emmett reached out his hand and jiggled the door knob. Nothing happened. He sighed and mumbled, "It's always like this," before pounding on the door! "Alice, I have him!"

The door swung open. There she was, clad in pajamas (why, I didn't know. Perhaps her love to shop had gotten to her again). Bella sat on a wide, pullout couch. Pink, of course. She was wide awake, as alert as ever. She sighed in relief when she spotted me.

"Jasper!" she exclaimed. I glared.

"Why aren't you asleep? It's late. It's past two in the morning." She shrugged shyly.

"I don't know. I couldn't fall asleep. I wanted to make sure you came back okay. Alice said you were hunting." An uncomfortable silence pursued. A brilliant shade of red crept up into her cheeks. "Um… did you…?"

"No. Forks is awfully small. I'm content with the blood packages though. Not quite as good, but satisfying, at least." She nodded, pursed lips.

"He's here, now will you please go to bed?" Alice begged. "We can't go shopping if you're half dead tomorrow!"

"Wow, I can't imagine someone who would be half dead," Bella said sarcastically. Alice grinned and laughed, but rolled her eyes anyway.

"That's it, you little human! Bed!"

"Little? I'm little? Alice, look in the mirror!"

"I can't, I'm too short," Alice grumbled. "Jasper, help me out here? Put her to sleep."

"H-h-how?" She gave me the look that you give somebody really stupid. I wasn't even paying attention to what was going on, just her beautiful gold eyes, her dark, spiky hair, her tiny little figure so different from my own… everything about her was perfect.

"Um, I don't know, make her super sleepy? Just do it!"

"Oh!" Within moments, Bella was fast asleep. I turned to leave, but Alice stopped me.

"Stay. If she wakes up, I won't be able to get her back to sleep. And if you leave, she'll wake up. So… just stay." I didn't even bother to sort through the emotions flowing in the air. I nodded.

"Okay, then."

We stood in silence for a while, the lights off for Bella. All we could hear was her slow rhythmic breathing and soft heartbeat. And the doctor show on downstairs, and Emmett and Rosalie arguing about something, and Esme painting, and Edward tinkering on the piano. Okay, fine, there were a lot of sounds, but we weren't focusing on most of it.

Minutes ticked by. I stood in my corner and Alice stood on her. After about an hour of doing nothing, she sat down with a magazine and idly flipped through. Suddenly, she looked up at me.

"Do you still like to read?" It was a very strange question, of course, but I had no problem answering it.

"Yes, I do. But I haven't actually gotten to in a while."

Alice slid a cardboard box over to me.

"It's all your stuff. You left it with me, remember? I figured that you would want it back one day, if we ever met up. And so we have."

"Why did you bother?"

"I knew you'd get it back eventually. So, I just helped the Fates a little. I love to meddle with the future. It's fun, at times, when it doesn't get me in trouble. I'm not allowed to meddle with Edward, he gets really mad. Of course, it doesn't mean I can't play a little matchmaker, does it?" She laughed, her eyes darting to Bella. Ah. I saw now. Bella was the one that Edward felt attraction to, not Alice. Good for him, I suppose. Bella returned his feeling, didn't she? I had often felt love in her presence, especially when we were with the Cullens.

"That's nice. Edward must have a lot of control, to even think about a relationship with a human."

"I know! He's amazing, really, almost as good as Carlisle. Bella is his weakness, she smells especially good to him. Anyhow, I've been telling him that if he just talked to her and all, she'd like him back. He doesn't believe anyone could love a monster, as he calls himself."

"I see exactly his sentiment."

"And I see exactly Bella's."

"What kind of monster are you in love with?" She didn't respond for a long time. I picked my way through the box and was a bit dismayed that the clothes I left were a bit out of style. I desperately needed new ones. However, I did find a bit of reading material. I remembered getting it, years and years ago.

* * *

_--Flashback_

"_What did you get?" I asked as I saw that her eyes were lit up like light bulbs. I could feel the excitement leaking off of her._

_"Gone with the Wind. I don't know why, I just had a vision of you liking it. And for me, I got 1984. It seemed appropriate, seeing as its about a supposed vision of the future. Have you heard of either?" I shook my head, but couldn't wait to get my hands on the book she mentioned for me. I loved to absorb knowledge, to read and learn. It wasn't exactly something I would mention willingly to the average passerby or to my armies. Not even Peter and Charlotte. But Alice seemed to be someone I could trust._

_--Flashback_

* * *

I hadn't read it in years, not since I had left. Then again, I hadn't read anything at all.

"She likes you," Alice whispered, breaking the silence. "She likes you more than you realize. She's falling in love."

"What?"

"Bella. She loves you. Well, she's falling in love."

"No! She likes Edward, I feel it every time!"

"Are you mental? It's you. Trust me on this one. She told me. We were talking. She's a nice girl, really. And it's nice to have friends outside of the family. She loves you. She told me in confidence. Of course, she doesn't know anything about… us, but that was a long time ago, anyhow."

Bella was in love with me. Bella was in love with me. Bella was in love with me. Bella was in love with me. However many ways I tried to get it through my head, it dazed me.

"I've done nothing but scare her! Why?"

"She sees the real you. She sees your struggle. She knows you want to be good, but it's hard. She understands it, too. She's very smart for a human, very insightful. Very old fashioned as far as humans go. She was born in the wrong century, really. You two would be nice together." Her voice didn't waver, didn't crack. I was surprised at how well she was taking it, for I wasn't doing nearly as well. My arms shook violently. I glanced at the sleeping figure.

"I think she's deeply asleep by now. Do you mind if I… step out for a bit? I need some air."

"No, go ahead, it's fine. If she's going to wake up, I'll let you know."

And I bolted.

When I got to the stairs, Edward was still playing the piano. Now his tinkering had a tune, a melody. Slow and soft, it went, reminding me of a lullaby. At one point his fingers picked up and the song was happy. I thought about the times I had spent with Alice. Very quickly, it regained it's sad tone. What could possibly inspire this change in emotions?

"Bella," Edward answered. "Bella inspired it. It's sad and slow because… because I'm a monster and could kill her at any second. And it's happy because there's the possibility, just a slight one, that she doesn't care." He sighed, glancing at me, his fingers never stopping. "But it's no use. She's interested in another monster."

"Who?" I asked, though he knew that I was aware of her feelings for me.

"Mike Newton," he joked. "His thoughts about her are vile!"

"You realize that it's only been two or three days that I've been in Forks? And so much has changed! I hunted animals again, I went to school – real school! I found Alice... do you think she'll take me back?"

"Of course," Edward told me as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "She's just not sure if you'll take her. If I'm correct in my assumptions, you ran away."

"I thought she hated me," I whispered. "I thought she was angry."

"So what? She's angry. Alice is always angry at me and we're still friends. She just needed time. Of course she was disappointed, but we all make our slip ups. No big deal, really. You did well for a beginner."

"I disappointed her." Edward just concentrated on his music, slipping into a faster tune.

"You overreact a lot," he noted after a few minutes. "My family tells me I have the tendency to, also, but I never really understood how annoying it was."

"Annoying?" My blood boiled – figuratively, of course.

"See? Overreaction." Edward chuckled. "Emmett thinks I should go to anger management. He even verbalized it! Then we played chess. I crushed him."

"Do you think… that if I asked her… she would accept me?"

"Sure, why not?" The song ended and the boy twisted around in his seat to face me. "Here's a deal – you talk to Alice and I'll talk to Bella." I nodded.

"Sounds good." I heard Bella roll over in bed upstairs, her heart rate pick up.

"Jasper, come upstairs, please! She had a nightmare and I can't get her to calm down!" I dashed to join them.

Bella collapsed in my arms, pressing her tear stained cheeks against my shirt. I pushed her hair out of her face gently.

"What's wrong, Bella? What is it?" I prodded. "What happened in your nightmare?"

"It wasn't a nightmare! It was a good dream!" she sobbed. "But he doesn't like me like that."

"What? Who? I'm confused."

"Edward. He doesn't like me. But… I think I love him. I don't know why, I just do! I didn't even think I loved him until this dream and… oh!"

"What happened?"

"We were talking. Arguing. About something. I teased him and he got mad. But then he looked at me and wasn't mad anymore. At all. And then… I kissed him. And he kissed me back, before he pulled away. And then… he leaned in and his teeth were bared and I woke up. He was very gentle, I remember."

"Alice said you like me." I was thoroughly confused.

"I thought I did. But then again, I've never been in love before. I'm not very good at distinguishing love and love as best friend."

"I'm not your best friend, Bella. I was going to kill you, you know."

"So you're not going to anymore?"

"Not anymore."

"When did you decide this?"

"A couple hours ago."

"Oh." She pulled away from me. "So you had me all worked up about dying for nothing! Thanks a lot! I was preparing my list of last things I wanted to do!" I chuckled as she glared.

"What, do you want to be dead?"

"No! I just think it's stupid that I'm worked up over nothing!"

"Bella?" Edward was standing at the door, nervous radiating off of him. "I heard what you were saying before and I can't believe you said any of it." She blushed scarlet and buried her face in her hands. "I don't like you like that… I like you more."

"Not as much as I love you," she mumbled, mortified.

"No. Of course not. More."

I took that as a chance to flee the room. They were so blindly in love, they would follow each other anywhere. I recognized it. I had felt it once too. I shuddered as every moment I spent with her replayed in my head, torturing my mind with what I used to have.

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**I hope you are anticipating what's next... FLASH BACK CHAPTER!! I adore that chapter, adore, adore, adore it! I admit, after rereading some of my fave fics recently, that I probably pulled some inspiration from You've Kept Me Waiting by Mandi1. It's amazing, give it a try. It's so realistic, I love it. I actually took some more inspiration than just the flashbacks from there. I DO know that I used one little bit that I thought was cute... Jazzy doesn't/didn't know how to drive. So, I am giving the credit to the rightful author, now that I remember it. Great story, give it a try. I didn't intentionally use the ideas, they just slipped in. And they're not _that_ similar! They're actually very different. I think that's the story that gave me this idea in the first place, anyways...**


	9. Chapter 8

**Oh. My. God. I'm sorry, but I'm really excited for this chapter! I have been working on this since... since... since BEFORE I started this fic! This is what this fic was supposed to be and then I got the idea for the past to be found out through flashbacks. Yes, you heard it - this is the BIG flashback chapter! No italics, cuz I think that would be kind of hard to read... but it's all one big flashback. Starts in 1948, ends... well, it ends a few months later, actually. HERE is what happens! And I will soon be posting a chapter in Music in the Nonexistent Soul that corresponds with this chapter. I couldn't help myself! Heehee. So, let's get on with it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not onw Twilight! Or Gone with the Wind or anything else you recognize! Erm... I think that includes 1984, too.**

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"I've been waiting for you," the little pixie with the black hair said, as if scolding me. I tipped my head ever so slightly.

"I'm very sorry, miss," I apologized, though for what, I did not know. Emotions surrounded me and I couldn't quite figure them out.

"Take a seat," she insisted, pointing to an empty stool, I looked around hesitantly, wondering how she was able to be so comfortable around humans. I sat nevertheless.

"So, Jasper, I've been waiting forever to meet you. Okay, not forever… since 1920ish. But it seems like forever," she gushed and I was taken aback. How did she know my name? Why was she waiting for me? "I'm Alice. Don't ask about my past, I don't have one." Understandable, many vampires' pasts were not to be relived. "I see the future. I saw meeting you years ago, I had visions of us being with a family- they have gold eyes, they hunt animals. I try, but I slip sometimes. But I try really hard! Maybe it'll be easier now that I have a companion…" she mused, her red eyes amused, excited, and even a little ashamed at the same time.

There was no doubt that she felt some sort of attraction to me. And there was no doubt that I felt as if a magnet was pulling me closer. She grabbed my hand and I felt a definite spark. To tell the truth, I was compelled by this "family." I had heard of armies- oh, yes, I heard of armies. I had heard of covens, even, and large ones at that. But never vampire families.

She must have sensed my curiosity, because her red eyes watched me intently. She left some bills on the bar counter and slowly led me away.

I followed blindly. I knew I should have been on alert. I was a soldier, for crying out loud! But… I couldn't help trusting this girl, who was so confident yet unsure at the same time.

She brought me into a dingy hotel nearby the bar. As we walked silently up the stairs, her hand gripped mine tighter. I smiled- the affection coming from her was incredible. I didn't know it was possible from a vampire. Then again, I had spent so many years experiencing sorrow and pain that I had forgotten anything happy.

Alice closed the door to her room behind her and sighed. The hotel was filled with the scent of blood. My mouth watered and she laid a hand on my chest gently.

"Jasper," she whispered. "Control." I breathed deeply, then decided to forgo breathing altogether. She smiled slightly.

"I don't know their last name, but they are a family… I'm sure," she began to tell me. "They drink from animals, isn't that so… fascinating? They have a permanent home, as well! They live there and go to school and go in public-"

"During the day?" I asked her, astonished. She grinned, the most wonderful sight I had ever seen.

"Yes, silly, during the day! They live in a rainy place. So, there's Carlisle and Edward… Esme, she's Carlisle's wife, Rosalie, she's a beautiful blonde, honestly, and then there's a new boy… he's only been with them for a little over a decade. He's Emmett, married to Rosalie. Edward's single."

"So many," I breathed, shocked at the sheer numbers. If I were still with Maria, knowing of this… family would be a threat to us. "And we're meant to be with them?"

She nodded her head, delight pouring off of her. I sighed and leaned against the wall. I didn't do well with people, even vampires. I didn't take orders from others, I had to be in charge. Alice's expression and emotions turned worried.

"You don't need to decide now," she prodded. "Let's hunt first. I have the perfect place. Do you suppose you'll like deer? I find it rather bland, but it'll do. I prefer tigers myself, but I've only had it once. We'll have to see with you, won't we?" She grinned at me, showing off her pearl white teeth. I followed her out the door, her words finally sinking in.

"Deer? Why in the world would I eat deer?" I hissed as she pulled me along. She turned back, disbelief in her eyes.

"I just told you- that family drinks from animals! We ought to try. I do." I grabbed my hand back sharply, wincing at the thought of animals. "It doesn't taste the same, but it's okay," she continued in a small voice. I shut my eyes again, trying to envision myself drinking from an animal… but couldn't. I couldn't fight the affection seeping out of both of us though. I reached for her hand again, and it felt warm, even with our icy skin.

"Deer it is," I gulped uncertainly, but her face lit up and my heart melted. If only I knew what could go wrong.

* * *

I grimaced, the taste still fresh in my mouth. How did she stand it? It was so bland! If this was deer, I would need to try something else. Perhaps lion would taste better. Of course, I knew what would taste better than both- human. I pushed away the thoughts as I followed her back up to the room. I had questions to ask.

"Do they accept me?" I asked her, once we had privacy. Alice sat cross legged on the bed as I stood stiffly by the wall. It was silent for a moment as she thought.

"Carlisle and Esme accept you immediately. Emmett will like you, too." I grinned. I was going to be accepted! "Edward and Rosalie will come a little harder. I don't know why Rosalie won't, but Edward has a hard time trusting people. He reads minds, he knows what really goes on, and if he doesn't like it – well, it takes a while to gain his trust."

"Oh." We fell silent, reveling in the happiness. I hadn't felt joy like this in years. It felt good. Very good.

Dawn rose several hours later. We had not moved or spoken. There was no need to. We were perfect as we were. Alice suddenly jumped to her feet. If any other were to do this I would have at least tensed, but with her presence it was not so. I was completely at peace.

"You need new clothes," she remarked. "Come on, we're shopping." She grabbed a purse and handed me a pair of dark sunglasses. She ran into the bathroom to freshen up before we left.

"Why do we need the sunglasses?"

"You're going to pretend to be blind. You can't have red eyes in public, it's just… wrong. Not right. Not good. So, you'll be blind until it fades." I slid the glasses on, the dark frames contrasting with my pale skin.

"What about you and your eyes?" She laughed, a musical sound.

"Oh, I just passed two weeks after my accident. If I stay on the animal diet after I slip, it usually fades within that time. See? Back to normal!" I peered uncertainly into her eyes, unsure at what I would find.

Gold. Her eyes were a liquid gold. Just looking at them made me long to match, made me long to have the same eyes and her approval. I could deal with the animals if it meant that.

We stood silently for just a few more minutes. Then the little pixie grabbed me by the wrist and tugged me into the day.

She led me onto a bus, where she paid the fare for both of us. She was dressed in a clean, crisp white blouse and a black skirt that reached the middle of her calves. In her desperate attempt to seem taller, she had donned high heels. They didn't work very well.

However, I felt quite dirty and disheveled compared to her. A pair of trousers and a dirty white shirt that had been worn beyond its limits. I could sort of see why she wanted me to go shopping.

"Come on, let's go here!" Alice led me into a small shop on the corner. There were racks of suits and trousers and shirts. She shoved several items into my arms as I stood dumbly, watching her dash around. "Go try them on!" I found myself being pushed into a dressing room. Before I could even slip my leg into a pair of pants, I heard her shriek.

"Oh, it's perfect! Next one!" I realized that she could see how it would fit as soon as I decided. I picked up the items, one by one, deciding to try them on. Each time, she would give her critique.

"Nope, too short… This is good… put that one away, ugh, no, not that color!" And so it went on. Alice handed over the money for our purchases (because Alice couldn't leave the store without some shopping of her own) and held the bags, since I was "blind." She skipped beside me, content with keeping pace though I could tell she wished to go quicker. We entered a store that I liked.

"What kind of books do you like? I'll get them for you." I quickly whispered my answer in her ear and she went off to look. She left me at a table to sit and wait the visit out. It was extremely hard to resist the humans, but I struggled nonetheless. For Alice.

A few moments later, she reappeared, another bag in hand.

"What did you get?" I asked as I saw that her eyes were lit up like light bulbs. I could feel the excitement leaking off of her.

"Gone with the Wind. I don't know why, I just had a vision of you liking it. And for me, I got 1984. It seemed appropriate, seeing as its about a supposed vision of the future. Have you heard of either?" I shook my head, but couldn't wait to get my hands on the book she mentioned for me. I loved to absorb knowledge, to read and learn. It wasn't exactly something I would mention willingly to the average passerby or to my armies. Not even Peter and Charlotte. But Alice seemed to be someone I could trust.

"Let's go home," I said eagerly. Odd, I thought. Not even a day, and it's home. The dingy, falling apart hotel room is home.

No, it wasn't, I realized later. Home is where the heart is, right? And my heart is wherever Alice is.

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Two weeks of bliss. Two weeks with my angel. We spent every second together, her small hand always entwined with my large one. We spent hours, discussing our favorite books and movies and music.

I told her briefly of my past in the South. She could tell me nothing of hers, as it mainly involved wandering around, a life ruled by visions of me. I had always been so close! How did I miss it? How did I lose so many years of love, of compassion? I no longer felt empty, I was no longer a shell filled with ice. I even felt human.

She painted magnificent, vivid pictures of her future, our future. I found myself longing for this family of which I had only heard of, never met. I wished for a father who could accept me even with my history. I wished for a mother who would take me back no matter what. I was eager for siblings, an experience I had forgotten, though I could faintly recall them being a pain. It didn't matter. I wanted them anyways.

But mostly, I longed for this vision to be true – a vision of us, surrounded by this family, with rings around our fingers. She would be a tiny thing, the size of a child, and I would be cradling her in my arms as we walked over the threshold. We would truly be together.

It was time to move. Alice had a vision of the family again. This time, Carlisle was leaving a school building, followed by the three teens. The forecast had turned to sunny. They were being taken out of school for "appointments." Alice had a glimpse of the school sign before the vision disappeared. It was enough.

I had packed our bags within half an hour and ventured out of the hotel. It was pouring rain. I slid into the passenger seat of our rented car as Alice went to the driver's. I admired my eyes in the mirror briefly. They were gold. It had taken roughly two weeks of strict animal hunting for the red to fade out, but I was doing well, despite the horrendous taste. Alice promised that we would find my favorite one day, and it wouldn't be so bad. Larger animals were also supposed to be tastier. I sure hoped so.

We drove for a few hours, still talking. We never stopped – we never had reason to. There were a million topics to cover, we were never stopped at a dead end. Either way, we both knew that even silence would be pleasant, for we were together.

We stopped to buy a map. If we had never stopped it never would have happened. But it did.

"Jasper, can you go? I'm trying to pinpoint what state this town is in," Alice asked, a far off look in her face. "Get a map for Nevada or Washington."

I slipped out of the car quickly, and entered the small shop. There was only one human there, thank goodness, for my control was still not very good. I led myself to the counter, fighting the intense burn with all my might.

"Do you have any maps?"

"Well, that depends. What kinda maps are ye looking for?" He was a plump man, I observed, and without meaning to, figured that he would have a lot of blood. I shook the thought out of my head.

"Of Nevada and Washington. Road maps, you know." His brow crinkled as he thought.

"We might have em in the back. Follow me." And I did. We entered the storage room as he chattered.

"Where are ye from?"

"Texas."

"Do yer parents know that yer here?" He turned and looked me up and down. "Ye seem young."

Young. Ha. I was probably older than his grandparents.

"Yeah, they know. I'm with my fiancé. We're on our way to see her family." And that was true. Well, it was going to be, at least. I planned to propose very, very soon. Alice knew, of course, but after she saw my first plan, I made her promise not to look for it again. And Carlisle's family was more of hers than mine.

"Ah, young love. Is she pretty?"

"Yes. Extremely beautiful." I smiled, thinking of the dark haired pixie. The man finished digging through boxes and handed me two folded pieces of paper. He then did the one of the worst things he could have ever done in the presence of a vampire – well, at least this one.

He clapped me on the shoulder.

I snapped, the scent too much to handle. He was dead within a second. His blood was sweet and warm as it drizzled down my throat. I was right – there was a lot. The taste was so much better after two weeks of eating deer. I licked my lips when I was done.

Alice came racing through the shop, not even moments later. Her eyes were wide with shock. I sensed her emotions as they overwhelmed me. I nearly stumbled when I could not find the one that had been always present in the last two weeks.

Love.

Sure, there was disgust and disappointment, but no love. The realization came to me slowly, ice cube by ice cube, as my shell filled up.

"You hate me," I managed to croak out. "You do, don't you?" She didn't reply. "Alice, tell me if you hate me. Please."

"I don't hate you." It was almost a whisper. I sighed, relieved. Maybe everything would be okay. "I'm just disappointed. You were doing so well, and then… Maybe this isn't the best idea, finding the family now."

"Why not?"

"I mean… you… and the restraint… we should work on building it up before we go." Her body trembled and sadness erupted into the air. She wanted to find the Cullens so much!

"If I don't go, you don't have to wait."

"But, Jasper, why would I go without you?"

"You hate me, I know you do." The ice cubes clinked into place. "Don't lie to me, Alice." My voice was already getting colder. I handed her the maps. "Go find your precious family. They won't have anything to do with me." I turned, the final cube setting. And then I ran.

Oh sure, I heard her calls for me. She tried to follow, but it wasn't enough. Eventually, I let her catch up, just so I could have some closure.

"Jasper," she grabbed my hands. "They will accept you! I promise, they will! How can they not? You're amazing, you're strong, and most importantly, you're the only one for me!"

"How can they accept me? I kill humans – I like to! It's fun, it's refreshing! I'm a monster." I wrenched my hands out of hers. "So stay away from me."

"Jazz – "

"Don't look for me. I'm not coming back." This time she didn't call as I fled. She didn't follow, either. I was alone, finally, the let out the despair I had been holding in. I lost her.

The pain was too much, so I made my decision – I would need to shield myself from love. Any kind of it. No remorse, no affection. That way, when I lost it, like I always did, it wouldn't hurt so much.

Because the pain of losing her is too much to bear.

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**Ah, poor Jasper. Now we know why he is this way and what exactly happened between him and Alice. Honestly, I believe this really could have happened. Canon diverges (in my mind) when he tells Alice that he's not coming back, when he says "Don't look for me." In canon, this possibly happened, but Alice was able to comfort him. They stay back a little longer, to help him get back on track, but by then, the Cullens are gone from the place. They lost them. And then it takes another two years to locate them, as they joined the family in 1950. Anyhow, I'm doing my music parody of this chapter and it'll be psoted soon. To the song Dear Maria, Count Me In. I was originally going to do it between Maria and Jasper, but decided that I'd much rather Alice and Jasper fluff. I wanted to post it days ago, but couldn't until this was or I'd spoil it all! Feedback is so much appreciated!**

**And I don't mean to sound like a review hog, cuz I'll keep posting no matter what, but I've been getting less and less reviews each chapter. I think I only got 2 last chapter as compared to 7 or 8 a few weeks ago! Are you all giving up on me or just too lazy to review? Cuz I get lazy, too, I understand that. I'm just scared that I'm losing fans! Nooo! Come back!! Happy ending, I swear, canon pairings!! That enough to bring em back? Hope so. LOL.**


	10. Chapter 9

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Er... Have I been forever forgotten? Because, I swear, I haven't forgotten you guys! I had major writers block (hence the reason for this being so short) and wanted to end this bittersweetly, but couldn't bring myself to it and then I got grounded and couldn't go on the computer and I just finished this - like, two minutes ago. But the last few lines have been planned since who knows when! I love them... it ties the whole story up.

**And with that, I admit, yes, this is the FINAL chapter! No more updates will be coming on this. I'm sorry, really, I am. I made it a happy ending to make up for it! No sequel is in the process. In fact, I might be taking a break from Twilight fanfiction from a while. For those of you who are Lost Control fans, don't worry, I'm not abandoning it. Adopting a Wizard fans... er... you might want to sit back and wait for the updates, because they WILL come but I am having trouble writing Harry so OOC. Why? Because I've delved into Harry Potter FF! Writing it! Not jusdt reading and marvelling at the fics like I used to!! I have Loony Moony up already! AND Three Days! ANd I really want to post my other fic tonight, but I can't think up a title, so I'm sort of stuck there.**

**My thanks yous- THANK YOU to Amber-is-a-Jasper's-Girl, who actually saw the last part (I think). She was my wonderful beta until I got sick of the whole DocX thing! Give her a round of applause! NOW I want to thank all of YOU who have stuck with me this long! Mwa! Love you all! Now, have I been forever forgiven for leaving you so long?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. WAHH!**

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"Jasper?" Her soft voice woke me from my memories. "Jasper, are you alright?"

"Go away," I snarled. "Leave me alone!" Alice took a slight step back, sensing the danger.

"Please calm down, Jasper. You'll scare Bella. Her and the lovebird are coming out of my room in twenty seconds."

"I don't care!" I responded cruelly, my head still buried in my hands. Sure enough, Bella's sweet blood filled the hall within seconds. Her emotions and Edward's were identical, intertwined. They made my heart ache. Bella's heat was radiating as she suddenly crouched down beside me. I cringed as her warm, soft, human hand touched my cold, hard vampire one. The scent increased. It tortured.

"Jasper, please. You can have your happy ending, too. I promise." I snarled at her, but the girl didn't flinch away.

"There is something wrong with you," I muttered. "Flinch, girl, flinch! Have a normal reaction! Get scared!"

"Make me," she challenged and I did. She was quaking by the time I was done. "Okay, m-maybe that wasn't a g-g-good idea," she admitted then.

"Bella? Are you hungry?" Edward's tone was soft. Bella nodded reluctantly and stood from her spot. I did not move. She approached the boy cautiously, carefully. Why was she so careful around him and not me?

"Bella, are you alright?" Edward voice, hearing my thoughts. "Your common sense and self preservation is kicking in."

"I don't want to hurt you more," she responded in a small voice before wrapping her arms around him. He stroked her hair gently and carried her down the stairs.

"Edward! Don't put her down, she'll fall!" Alice called down the stairs. She sighed happily. "Crisis averted, thank god."

"You like messing with Fate, don't you?" I commented. She shrugged.

"A bit, yeah. But you like to mess it up, too." When I flashed her a questioning look, she just shrugged again. "I mean, I told you what it was supposed to be like. Then you went and just changed it all. It was annoying. I spent weeks trying to fix up all the visions I had."

"When did you find them?" I asked quietly.

"Two years later." She sidled down beside me, close but not touching.

"That sounds like a long time."

"Is it?" Her wide golden orbs stared at me with wonder. "It seemed rather short to me. Maybe it's because I don't have the human preconception of time. For humans, a week is long. An hour is even long. Time cane go either way – too fast or too slow. We live in seconds, don't we? Fractions of seconds, fractions of fractions… For us, a minute could be a minute to late. "

"An hour away from a loved one is an hour too much," I added softly. She turned her gaze back to the opposite wall.

"And a week could change a life for eternity," she ended in a whisper. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you love me?" The question startled me. It caught me off guard. I struggled for words. "Jasper? Do you?"

"I… I don't know." I truly didn't. I loved her, but I hated her for causing me pain. I loved her, but I hated her for trying to make me what I wasn't. I loved her, but I hated her for making me want to change. To put it simply, I couldn't stand her, but I couldn't live without her.

"Please don't leave again," she begged quietly. "If you don't love me, it's okay. But if you leave… I don't think I could stand it. Edward has Bella now, I guess. But we had a pact, the two of us. If something ever went wrong, we would go to Italy – together. If Edward found true love and that person was destroyed, we would both leave this world. And it used to be that if you came back, the Volturi would be getting a nice little visit from us."

"You're going to go off yourself?" I hissed. My words were low and angry. Fury washed over me. "You were going to go to the Volturi?"

"We got the tickets," Alice admitted. "But we're not going. I can't do that to Edward, not now. I won't have to, if you stay. I can live as long as you're near. Even if you have another love, I can live."

"If I were to fall in love with Maria and bring her back here, would you mind?" She gaped at me for a moment.

"Maria? That foul woman who made that army!"

"If I was in love with her, would you still say that?" Her eyes hardened and her emotions were exasperated.

"Of course! She's cruel, Jasper, how could you love her? She would have killed you in a second. Wait – you're not…"

"No," I responded, smiling. "I was just curious for your reaction." She glowered at me.

"Your eyes are gold-ish," she commented. "You went hunting last night. I saw. But why?"

"For you," I whispered reluctantly. Adoration radiated off of her. And love as well. "How? How can you love me? I'm a killer. A murderer."

"You were a killer when I found you at first, weren't you?"

"I like the kill!"

"And so do I. It's a nice sport, almost as fun as shopping. I just like to stick with animals," Alice pointed out. She laid a hand on my shoulder. "Jasper, I'm proud of you for trying. But you don't need to. Not for me. Not if you don't love me."

I stood and brushed off my clothes. I didn't look, but her presence beside me was undeniable.

"I'm going to keep on hunting the animals," I announced to her and just her. Alice whirled me around and grabbed my wrists. My ice cubes melted and instead of her gripping me as if she would never let go, I was cradling her hands in mine.

"Jasper," she whispered, nothing moving except her lips. Her head was craned up and mine was looking straight down. An outsider would probably find it hilarious. "Why did it take so long? Why couldn't you just love me back?"

"It's forever forbidden," I responded, ashamed. "Love, care, affection - forbidden. It always has been for me."

Alice dug her inky black hair into my head and I hugged her close. She stood high on her tiptoes, reaching up, and I knew what I had to do. I leaned down and swept her up into my arms. Her lips met mine in our beautiful embrace. When we broke apart, the twinkle in her eye I knew too well had returned.

"Is it still forever forbidden?" she asked me innocently, yet deviously at the same time. Only a vampire could pull it off so perfectly. No - only she could. I grinned and could see my blood red eyes reflected in her gold. That would change soon. I would make it.

"Yes, it still is," I told her and her face fell. I quickly fixed my statement. "I'm forbidden to lend my love to anyone. I'll be using it all up on you."

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**The cradling hands and down have been written for months and I loved it. It just tied it all together. I'm sorry it's so short, really, I am. I regret leaving this story behind, but it's been going on just too long, you know? It's my baby, but it's growing up and I can't understand it anymore. It's reached adolesence!! Haha. Anyhow, I hope you enjoyed it. I was originally planning for some "Jasper-accidentally-attacks-Bella-she-turns-into-a-vamp-and-THEN-we-have-a-bittersweet-ending" but it just wouldn't work. Better not to over do it, right? Thanks for reading this fic! I'm sort of sad to be calling it forever finished.**

**And yes, you may yell/hit/harass/kill me for using so many corny "forever" jokes in this chapter. And I don't even have the threat of not being able to finish with me!**

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